Let's Go Back a Bit

There was a long time in there where I wasn't writing anything.  The reason for that lies in the fact that everything I could think to write was so depressing.  We've always been taught that when you have nothing nice to say, you don't say anything...I figured the same would go with "Debbie Downer" blog posts.  (Insert Debbie Downer sound here* Wah Waaah)

God has been allowing the waters to get really choppy these days and I'm still trying to figure out the lessons that I'm supposed to be learning during this particular season.  I really hope I figure them out before I have a serious mental breakdown.  He has still allowed me to do some really great things during this time as well, but it's been such a struggle to enjoy it.  It's been more reminiscent of the days when I couldn't leave the house because of the anxiety and/or depression.  Last September I had a BAD case of the stomach flu and things just haven't been right in my head since then.

 That being said, I made it through Mid Ohio Comic Con in October, which had LOTS of super cool moments and I seriously hope to be there again this September.  I was able to pull  together a costume in a short amount of time and went as the comic book (not the movie) version of Black Widow.  I was terrified, but tons of people ended up asking me for my photo.  I'm thinking this year we need to charge.  :)

The end of December through the first of the year I was in New York City.  Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, we weren't able to be in Times Square when the ball dropped, but part of me thinks that was for the better.  We did have some really interesting experiences that night, including a fire alarm being pulled at 2 am and some scary screaming and stuff happening around 4am.  The trip included a HUGELY EPIC performance of Rock of Ages.  I do not have enough great things to say about that particular cast and performance.  We also saw Addams Family the musical.  It was great as far as musical spectacle goes, but some of the performances were a bit lacking and after ROA, it just wasn't the same.  We got to experience some fun "local" stuff, including an amazing little pizza parlor where we met the owner who was the sweetest little Italian man, and the oldest Irish pub in Manhattan.  It had sawdust floors and everything.  There was also this little hole in the wall bar/restaurant that served a free pizza when you ordered a drink.  In that place, there was a guy at the bar with his dog on his lap and a woman who came in wearing her pink bathrobe.  Beyond interesting.

Since December, there hasn't been much in the way of excitement.  There has been LOTS in the way of anxiety, which is sad, because I thought that it would get better after December instead of getting worse.  However, I've been living on my own since the beginning of December and as difficult as it has been, it's been a really good experience for me.  I'm going to be heading back home around May 15th, but I'd really like to be able to do something different.  I just wish I knew what that was.  I want to be able to be on my own, but I need to find another job if I want to afford a place to live.  Then come the other questions...do I find a place locally or do I look in Nashville and the surrounding areas?  Could I work on music out of Cleveland or would it be better to be where things are "happening"?  What happens if I move to Nashville just to do exactly what I'm doing here?  They go on and on that way.  So, basically what ends up happening is that I can't make any kind of decision and so I don't do ANYTHING, which also is not helpful at all.

My next testing is a week from tomorrow.  I admit, I'm nervous.  The last time was just excruciating and frankly, I really don't want to have to go through that again, let alone once a year.  I'm praying that this time will go more smoothly and there won't be the amount of pain AND we'll get some positive results.  I'd really prefer to not have to relive all the events of this past year, but if the results aren't positive, I know I'll get through it. 

I really need to start making some life changes.  I'm getting older and starting to hit that point where I'm gaining weight faster than I'm able to burn calories.  Also, I probably need to cut back on the amount of red meat that I consume.  This is something that I need to do because of the cancer risk.  You'd think that having cancer once would be enough to turn me into a vegetarian, but old habits (and honestly, a love of all things meaty) are hard to break.  Let's see if this week I am able to make some healthier choices.  I need to be drinking water where I usually would drink iced tea and eat leaner proteins.  I'd love to be able to do a walk/race this year, and there's no way I'd be able to do it in the condition that I am right now.  I got a pull up bar so that I can start doing P90X and that was pretty hilarious.  I've never had great upper body strength, but let me say how epically I failed at that.  Yikes.  Well, I suppose I should finish up here.  If you're reading this, I wish you a blessed day.

Song of the Day: Blessed Assurance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTQDkK43ohk

Hello, March!

I haven't written for a very long time.  I've written several "drafts" and several different blogs that I just didn't feel I could publish.  Things have seemed pretty dark since last September and I felt like I wasn't doing anyone a favor by publishing those thoughts.  So, here I am again.  Still dark, but hopefully there will be a relatively hopeful spin on it...hopefully. :)

So, it's March.  March means a few things to me.  #1.  My mom has a birthday!  Love you, mom!

#2. March means Spring is coming!  Spring is my favorite season.  Things are awakening and becoming new.  I think the Lord uses this season to teach me and open my eyes to new things.  I'm hoping that this year will hold many things for me and be a time of growth and spiritual maturing.

#3.  March means that it's almost been a year since my cancer diagnosis.  It was during this time last year that I was feeling so awful and we still had no idea what was going on inside my body.  I cannot believe it will be a year next month since the diagnosis and May will be a year since surgery.  Next month will be full of testing and follow up procedures.  I'm definitely not looking forward to them, but I think I'll feel much better when they're over.  I'm hoping that the results mean that I won't have to have blood work all the time and we can just go to testing once a year!

#4.  March is Colon Cancer awareness month!  This is the time for everyone to blast their friends and loved ones with information regarding Colon Cancer.  Now, like anyone else, I hate to be inundated with messages about all kinds of various causes.  HOWEVER, this is a disease that is the second leading cause of cancer death and 60% of those deaths could be prevented if people received regular screenings.  That's a HUGE number of preventable deaths.  Imagine if it were your car.  You would want to know if your breaks were going to just stop working.  If they did, you'd be in a heap of trouble and guess what...it could have been prevented.  I realize that it's not fun.  I realize the preparation is uncomfortable.  But please take this from personal experience, it's going to be more fun than the alternative. ;)  Sooo...that being said...go and get your butt scoped, and when you do, go and tell your friends and loved ones to do the same.  You never know...they may just thank you for it! :)  Just to make you feel a little bit better about the whole thing, I have included a link to a hilarious (and somewhat awkward) music video.  You'll laugh...you won't be able to help yourself.  Just think about Barry White coming to sing to you during your procedure.  Awkward and hilarious, right?

Here ya go.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OlIrPV7LKg

I guess that will count as my song of the day as well :)