Day Thirty-Two with Cancer/Day Twelve without Cancer:
Dad came in and got me up this morning to ask where my prescription was. There was no way he was going to let me wait on taking that after last night's escapade. I tried to sleep a little bit more, but he was soon in again telling me that I needed to come and take it. Why even try at that point? There's no going back.
I went downstairs, grabbed some yogurt, breakfast quiche and my pills. What a lovely way to start the day. We watched more news coverage on the tornados. The wreckage is just devastating. Jason and Syd came over a little while later. That girl is hilarious. She's just a little sponge. I swear she soaks up EVERYTHING. She found a cd and a blueray case, so she tried putting the cd into the case. The was holding it straight up and down, so the cd didn't stay in, but slipped out the bottom. She tried to close it before she noticed. How she knows that's where the dvd's go is just ridiculous. She was trying to put on grandpa's shoes and I taught her to say "Vroom Vroom" when she was driving the little cars around. Cordelia was so well behaved while they were here. I was so impressed with her today. Usually she's insane, but she sat and even let Syd push the little vacuum around. She usually goes crazy and tries to eat it. When they left there were lots of "Bye. See You Morrow" and blown kisses. She's an adorable kid. I'm blessed to have an awesome niece and two awesome nephews.
I wanted to take a nap, but mom was going to be home soon and we had planned to go to grandma's for dinner, so I went and finished getting ready. We headed over to the Sanctuary and had dinner with grandma in one of their front rooms. I was actually able to eat all of the food. Who knew all I had to do was go to an assisted living facility. The portions are way closer to my size and everything is soft. LOL! After we were done we went into another room and all took turns playing cornhole. It was actually pretty fun. Grandma and dad played, then grandpa and mom, and then Grandma W. and me. It was too chilly to go sit outside, so we played a game of pool after that. Actually, mom and Grandma W. did a puzzle, grandpa and dad played pool and dad had me make (or try to make) a few shots. It was actually quite enjoyable. I like thinking about grandpa being a pool shark when he was young. He's done everything. I told grandma that while I'm out there this summer he has to teach me to fish and to fly. Ok...so I might not learn to fly a plane, but I might as well ask, right?
We left and went to Giant Eagle to pick up some more gauze and tape. The women almost didn't allow me to carry out a bag. I hate feeling so helpless. Dad even asked during dinner if I thought that my chair was ten pounds. Of course the chair wasn't ten pounds! He's worried. I guess that's a good thing.
Tonight I did my evening "pill pass". Holy crap. It should be illegal to take that many pills. I think there were ten in all. Between my pain pills, my iron and vitamin C, my regular meds, my antibiotic and my vitamins, there were just soo many. I took a picture of all of them in my hand. It was crazy. Grandma and grandpa go home tomorrow. I'm not really looking forward to it. I love having them here. At least I'll get to see again them in about a month...
Song of the Day: This Is The Stuff
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPEQKIpFUwI
Verse of the Day: Psalm 143:11
For the glory of your name, O Lord, preserve my life. Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Days Thirty and Thirty-One with Cancer
Day Thirty with Cancer/ Day Ten without Cancer:
I can't say that a lot happened today. We all spent a pretty good amount of time watching NCIS, Bones, CSI, etc. As a family, we seem to really love those forensic shows and medical dramas. Grandpa and I got out and took a walk to the end of the block. He's so funny. He said that all of the gawkers thought that I was such a nice, young girl taking her grandfather on a walk. It's sad that I can get so tired just walking to the end of the block and back. We got back just as the raindrops started falling. Grandpa said if the rain stopped, we'd have to go on another one. It didn't stop before the ladies needed to get ready to go.
Mom, grandma and I headed out right after we finished our dinner. We headed out to the church for the Pampered Chef party. When we got there Connor and Erik greeted us. Connor said, "Dere is a pawty in dare." He's adorable. I was surprised at the amount of people there. I think there had to be 40-something people. Miriam did a great job showing the products. Stacy and Julia were there. Julia ran up and hugged me and she said, "I knowed you were not sick." I was really happy that she seemed so excited that I was there. I really do miss those kids. Jason and Jenny's friend Wes came. He had said to me earlier in the day, "I'll be there. I have no idea what a Pampered Chef party is, but I'm coming." Seriously, sweetest. guy. ever. I am so moved by the amount of support I've gotten from their friends. Some of them I know, but most I don't. It's just really encouraging. It's awesome to see people come together and do completely selfless things for people they don't even know. Times are hard for all of us, but when tragedy strikes it's amazing to see how people unite. I couldn't eat most of the food that was there, but Sarah made me some breakfast quiche, sans the breakfast sausage. MMMM delish. I cannot wait. We helped Miriam clean up and then headed home. I couldn't believe it was 10 o'clock! I think the whole event was probably a little more than I could handle, but I'm glad I went anyway. It was great to see all the girls. I <3 the PCA teachers! :)
Song of the Day: Move (Mercy Me)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmUDDxflt6o
Verse of the Day: Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.
Day Thirty-One with Cancer/Day Eleven without Cancer:
These entries are titled so oddly. I'm not sure if I say I have cancer or I had cancer. I don't know which title would be more accurate or appropriate for my blog. This is supposed to be 365 days with cancer, but technically, it's not really in my body anymore. However, I think I'm considered in "remission" right now,(?) so do I still go with the "cancer" thing for the 5 years until I'm "out of the woods"? I have no idea how to handle this. Yes...these are things that you actually kind of have to think about after a diagnosis and surgery.
Today was a little off. I got up and did the normal, routine stuff. We watched House today instead of NCIS/CSI, but mainly things were the same. Mom and I went into the bathroom to cleanse my incision site and after a couple of minutes, I got much more woozy than usual. I felt really nauseated, my eyes started getting all spotted with white and I felt like I was going to pass out. I leaned my head back and started taking deep breaths and asked mom if she'd run and get me a glass of water. It helped me to feel better, but even after the "wound" was cleaned and I was back in my chair for a while, I was still feeling off. I finally got on the couch and just laid down. I tried to close my eyes for a bit. I dozed for a couple of minutes, but I wasn't able to sleep.
We decided to meet at Chops after dad got out of work. I tried to have a couple of ribs and some mashed potatoes. The potatoes were good, but they were the kind that have the skin mashed up in them. I'm not allowed that part of the potato, so I was trying to pick out all the little bits. I'm sure it would have been entertaining to watch.
I went to put new gauze on my belly and it really didn't look very good. I called mom in and she helped me clean it. She said she thought it was infected. I went upstairs and called the on-call nurses to see what they thought I should do. At that same time, I was trying to get out some clothes. I was supposed to go out with a couple of military friends who were in town. It's not every day I get a chance to see them. My vote to go out was quickly vetoed and I had to inform them that I wasn't coming after all. We did, however, decided to take a lovely trip to the emergency room. Not that this was what you'd call an "emergency", but I needed antibiotic and we weren't sure that my PCP was going to be in tomorrow. The on-call doctor that I spoke with from Dr. Vogel's office said that I could come in, but I'd have to come through the ER. So...we took about a half an hour, but finally decided that was probably the best choice. Dad stopped to get some coffee and then we drove the hour to Cleveland.
We sat in the waiting room for a fairly short amount of time. Maybe half an hour? I had my vitals taken and then went through registration before I was able to get back into a room. Dad came back with me. I had pretty much just gotten in there and gotten changed when the nurse came in. He was still giving his shpiel when Dr. Warrior (the one I'd spoken to on the phone) came in. He looked me over and gave us a few "are you serious?" looks, wrote me a prescription and was gone. Then the real waiting began. I was wondering if we might be able to leave and I had almost pressed my call button when another doctor walked in. He asked me questions, looked at the site and then left. Then we waited even more. Finally ANOTHER doctor comes in. He was lucky I hadn't already put my normal clothes back on. He says to me, "SO, do you want to get out of here?" I said, "YES, THAT WOULD BE GREAT!" I already had everything I needed. I certainly didn't need 5 more guys coming in and pulling my incision site apart and pushing on my extremely sore abdomen. No thanks. He basically did what all the other guys did, but even faster and then I was able to get my stuff back on. He took dad to get his ticket for parking validated and then we were off. We left our house at ten and got back home at 2. I guess that's pretty good for a trip to the ER that's an hour from you. I've been to closer ones for a lot longer than two hours (plus driving time). I'm surprised dad was able to stay awake coming home. He seemed really sleepy. It's times like that that I don't want to forget. He's been showing a slightly different character lately. I hope it doesn't go away soon, cause I'm pretty sure I like it.
Song of the Day: I Will Not Be Moved
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyEMJBhCtU8
Verse of the Day: 1 John 4:10
This is real love-not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
I can't say that a lot happened today. We all spent a pretty good amount of time watching NCIS, Bones, CSI, etc. As a family, we seem to really love those forensic shows and medical dramas. Grandpa and I got out and took a walk to the end of the block. He's so funny. He said that all of the gawkers thought that I was such a nice, young girl taking her grandfather on a walk. It's sad that I can get so tired just walking to the end of the block and back. We got back just as the raindrops started falling. Grandpa said if the rain stopped, we'd have to go on another one. It didn't stop before the ladies needed to get ready to go.
Mom, grandma and I headed out right after we finished our dinner. We headed out to the church for the Pampered Chef party. When we got there Connor and Erik greeted us. Connor said, "Dere is a pawty in dare." He's adorable. I was surprised at the amount of people there. I think there had to be 40-something people. Miriam did a great job showing the products. Stacy and Julia were there. Julia ran up and hugged me and she said, "I knowed you were not sick." I was really happy that she seemed so excited that I was there. I really do miss those kids. Jason and Jenny's friend Wes came. He had said to me earlier in the day, "I'll be there. I have no idea what a Pampered Chef party is, but I'm coming." Seriously, sweetest. guy. ever. I am so moved by the amount of support I've gotten from their friends. Some of them I know, but most I don't. It's just really encouraging. It's awesome to see people come together and do completely selfless things for people they don't even know. Times are hard for all of us, but when tragedy strikes it's amazing to see how people unite. I couldn't eat most of the food that was there, but Sarah made me some breakfast quiche, sans the breakfast sausage. MMMM delish. I cannot wait. We helped Miriam clean up and then headed home. I couldn't believe it was 10 o'clock! I think the whole event was probably a little more than I could handle, but I'm glad I went anyway. It was great to see all the girls. I <3 the PCA teachers! :)
Song of the Day: Move (Mercy Me)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmUDDxflt6o
Verse of the Day: Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.
Day Thirty-One with Cancer/Day Eleven without Cancer:
These entries are titled so oddly. I'm not sure if I say I have cancer or I had cancer. I don't know which title would be more accurate or appropriate for my blog. This is supposed to be 365 days with cancer, but technically, it's not really in my body anymore. However, I think I'm considered in "remission" right now,(?) so do I still go with the "cancer" thing for the 5 years until I'm "out of the woods"? I have no idea how to handle this. Yes...these are things that you actually kind of have to think about after a diagnosis and surgery.
Today was a little off. I got up and did the normal, routine stuff. We watched House today instead of NCIS/CSI, but mainly things were the same. Mom and I went into the bathroom to cleanse my incision site and after a couple of minutes, I got much more woozy than usual. I felt really nauseated, my eyes started getting all spotted with white and I felt like I was going to pass out. I leaned my head back and started taking deep breaths and asked mom if she'd run and get me a glass of water. It helped me to feel better, but even after the "wound" was cleaned and I was back in my chair for a while, I was still feeling off. I finally got on the couch and just laid down. I tried to close my eyes for a bit. I dozed for a couple of minutes, but I wasn't able to sleep.
We decided to meet at Chops after dad got out of work. I tried to have a couple of ribs and some mashed potatoes. The potatoes were good, but they were the kind that have the skin mashed up in them. I'm not allowed that part of the potato, so I was trying to pick out all the little bits. I'm sure it would have been entertaining to watch.
I went to put new gauze on my belly and it really didn't look very good. I called mom in and she helped me clean it. She said she thought it was infected. I went upstairs and called the on-call nurses to see what they thought I should do. At that same time, I was trying to get out some clothes. I was supposed to go out with a couple of military friends who were in town. It's not every day I get a chance to see them. My vote to go out was quickly vetoed and I had to inform them that I wasn't coming after all. We did, however, decided to take a lovely trip to the emergency room. Not that this was what you'd call an "emergency", but I needed antibiotic and we weren't sure that my PCP was going to be in tomorrow. The on-call doctor that I spoke with from Dr. Vogel's office said that I could come in, but I'd have to come through the ER. So...we took about a half an hour, but finally decided that was probably the best choice. Dad stopped to get some coffee and then we drove the hour to Cleveland.
We sat in the waiting room for a fairly short amount of time. Maybe half an hour? I had my vitals taken and then went through registration before I was able to get back into a room. Dad came back with me. I had pretty much just gotten in there and gotten changed when the nurse came in. He was still giving his shpiel when Dr. Warrior (the one I'd spoken to on the phone) came in. He looked me over and gave us a few "are you serious?" looks, wrote me a prescription and was gone. Then the real waiting began. I was wondering if we might be able to leave and I had almost pressed my call button when another doctor walked in. He asked me questions, looked at the site and then left. Then we waited even more. Finally ANOTHER doctor comes in. He was lucky I hadn't already put my normal clothes back on. He says to me, "SO, do you want to get out of here?" I said, "YES, THAT WOULD BE GREAT!" I already had everything I needed. I certainly didn't need 5 more guys coming in and pulling my incision site apart and pushing on my extremely sore abdomen. No thanks. He basically did what all the other guys did, but even faster and then I was able to get my stuff back on. He took dad to get his ticket for parking validated and then we were off. We left our house at ten and got back home at 2. I guess that's pretty good for a trip to the ER that's an hour from you. I've been to closer ones for a lot longer than two hours (plus driving time). I'm surprised dad was able to stay awake coming home. He seemed really sleepy. It's times like that that I don't want to forget. He's been showing a slightly different character lately. I hope it doesn't go away soon, cause I'm pretty sure I like it.
Song of the Day: I Will Not Be Moved
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyEMJBhCtU8
Verse of the Day: 1 John 4:10
This is real love-not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
Day Twenty-Nine with Cancer
Day Twenty-Nine with Cancer/Day Eight without Cancer:
After hearing that awful news yesterday, I have to admit that I wasn't really wanting to take on another day. I was feeling pretty discouraged. At some point I realized that I'm not allowed to give up. That little girl can't just give up. I'd be upset if she did. Pastor Terry isn't giving up. God isn't giving up on me. So...what right do I have to be discouraged? We WILL have the victory.
Grace's surgery was today. I know that God will be with her and with the surgeons. I can't wait to hear the amazing success stories. I sent her mom a message today. I hope that I can go and visit her in the hospital. I also hear that PT took a nice walk today. I can't believe how awesome he's doing. That's so fantastic!
My main incision is starting to look a little gross. I guess it's mainly because the glue is coming off and now I can really SEE it. Blegh. I'm also feeling a little feverish. I don't know what's going on, but it's a little unsettling. I'm usually never warm. I just really don't want any infections and the incision site is much more separated than I'd like.
Jason heard back from Finestra today. They're going to donate a Troll bracelet, clasp, and starter beads. Seriously? A whole starter bracelet? That's at least $200. How exciting is that?
Dinner tonight consisted of fish. I'm starting to eat more solid food! Granted, I'd rather eat lots of other things than fish, but we'll work on the steak and hot dogs later. :)
Song of the Day: Revelation Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fsrQFWb-xc&feature=related
Verse of the Day: Psalm 42:11
After hearing that awful news yesterday, I have to admit that I wasn't really wanting to take on another day. I was feeling pretty discouraged. At some point I realized that I'm not allowed to give up. That little girl can't just give up. I'd be upset if she did. Pastor Terry isn't giving up. God isn't giving up on me. So...what right do I have to be discouraged? We WILL have the victory.
Grace's surgery was today. I know that God will be with her and with the surgeons. I can't wait to hear the amazing success stories. I sent her mom a message today. I hope that I can go and visit her in the hospital. I also hear that PT took a nice walk today. I can't believe how awesome he's doing. That's so fantastic!
My main incision is starting to look a little gross. I guess it's mainly because the glue is coming off and now I can really SEE it. Blegh. I'm also feeling a little feverish. I don't know what's going on, but it's a little unsettling. I'm usually never warm. I just really don't want any infections and the incision site is much more separated than I'd like.
Jason heard back from Finestra today. They're going to donate a Troll bracelet, clasp, and starter beads. Seriously? A whole starter bracelet? That's at least $200. How exciting is that?
Dinner tonight consisted of fish. I'm starting to eat more solid food! Granted, I'd rather eat lots of other things than fish, but we'll work on the steak and hot dogs later. :)
Song of the Day: Revelation Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fsrQFWb-xc&feature=related
Verse of the Day: Psalm 42:11
Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again--my Savior and my God!
Day Twenty-Eight with Cancer
Day Twenty-Eight with Cancer/Day Seven without Cancer:
Am I really at a week since my surgery? That doesn't seem possible. Today I worked on trying to get stuff done for the fundraiser. I made several calls to venues and corporations for donations. Thankfully, most all of the places I called were more than willing to donate something. There were a couple that I just have to send a letter to. I can send a letter for free stuff. Finestra Gallery is the place that I was pretty excited about. I'll be anxious to see if they can give anything.
Right before dinner I got a text that rocked my world. I found out that one of the school age girls that comes to PCA was diagnosed with cancer of the fallopian tubes today. It's pretty advanced and she'll have to have a complete hysterectomy, radiation AND chemo. At that moment I wanted my cancer back. I wanted to take it all so that she didn't have to deal with it. How is it that I can end up with a cancer that hasn't spread nearly as far as the doctors thought and not have to have chemo, but a little girl does? I know that God has a plan, but this one seems much more painful to me. I pray for this little girl today. She is such a joy and I know that God can and will use this situation for His glory. I just pray that His glory means a speedy healing for her. I also pray for Painesville Christian Academy. I'm not sure why, but cancer seems to be ravaging us there. I pray that God would help us during this period of spiritual warfare.
Mom made chicken noodle soup for dinner. It was awesome. I was able to have "real food". Cooked vegetables are better than none at all in my opinion. It was also MUCH MUCH better than hospital or canned soup. Yum.
Day Twenty-Eight: Nine points...a little shaky on the dismount
Song of the Day: I Will Go On
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Zdn2ZnXd6o
Verse of the Day: Psalm 3:3
But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head.
Am I really at a week since my surgery? That doesn't seem possible. Today I worked on trying to get stuff done for the fundraiser. I made several calls to venues and corporations for donations. Thankfully, most all of the places I called were more than willing to donate something. There were a couple that I just have to send a letter to. I can send a letter for free stuff. Finestra Gallery is the place that I was pretty excited about. I'll be anxious to see if they can give anything.
Right before dinner I got a text that rocked my world. I found out that one of the school age girls that comes to PCA was diagnosed with cancer of the fallopian tubes today. It's pretty advanced and she'll have to have a complete hysterectomy, radiation AND chemo. At that moment I wanted my cancer back. I wanted to take it all so that she didn't have to deal with it. How is it that I can end up with a cancer that hasn't spread nearly as far as the doctors thought and not have to have chemo, but a little girl does? I know that God has a plan, but this one seems much more painful to me. I pray for this little girl today. She is such a joy and I know that God can and will use this situation for His glory. I just pray that His glory means a speedy healing for her. I also pray for Painesville Christian Academy. I'm not sure why, but cancer seems to be ravaging us there. I pray that God would help us during this period of spiritual warfare.
Mom made chicken noodle soup for dinner. It was awesome. I was able to have "real food". Cooked vegetables are better than none at all in my opinion. It was also MUCH MUCH better than hospital or canned soup. Yum.
Day Twenty-Eight: Nine points...a little shaky on the dismount
Song of the Day: I Will Go On
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Zdn2ZnXd6o
Verse of the Day: Psalm 3:3
But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head.
Day Twenty-Seven with Cancer
Day Twenty-Seven with Cancer/Day Six without Cancer:
This morning I was awoken by Cordelia launching herself onto my gut. Ouch. Thankfully I heard someone say her name or something right before, so I braced myself a little before it happened. I think I may have done a little too much yesterday. I was extremely sleepy today. I have to admit that my shower took much more effort than I anticipated.
Most of the day was spent watching coverage of the tornados in Joplin. Grandma had just gotten off of the phone with her cousin? last night when the sirens went off there. She spent a good amount of the day calling family to make sure everyone was ok and then calling the rest of the family to let everyone know that everyone else was alright.
Jeff, Sarah and the boys came for dinner. It was nice to have them over. The boys kept asking why I wasn't eating much. My favorite Caleb-isms of the night were, "I love your face!" and "Why are you done? You should have a long banana." What a goofy kid.
After dinner Jaden had to do his reading, so I have him The Giving Tree. I enjoy that book. He read that and Caleb did my makeup. I was being entertained by both of them. Grandpa was in the kitchen working on making peanut butter shakes. It was fun to watch the boys have their first pb shakes. They just recently found out that they aren't allergic to peanut butter, so now they're trying everything and they LOVE it.
Pastor had his surgery today. I hear it went well. Praise the Lord! I'm so glad that we serve THE Healer. It's amazing that He can take these really serious things and make them so much smaller and easier to manage. Amen!
Song of the Day: Beautiful Redemption
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZgowODfLiU
Verse of the Day: Isaiah 33:2
But Lord, be merciful to us, for we have waited for you. Be our strong arm each day and our salvation in times of trouble.
This morning I was awoken by Cordelia launching herself onto my gut. Ouch. Thankfully I heard someone say her name or something right before, so I braced myself a little before it happened. I think I may have done a little too much yesterday. I was extremely sleepy today. I have to admit that my shower took much more effort than I anticipated.
Most of the day was spent watching coverage of the tornados in Joplin. Grandma had just gotten off of the phone with her cousin? last night when the sirens went off there. She spent a good amount of the day calling family to make sure everyone was ok and then calling the rest of the family to let everyone know that everyone else was alright.
Jeff, Sarah and the boys came for dinner. It was nice to have them over. The boys kept asking why I wasn't eating much. My favorite Caleb-isms of the night were, "I love your face!" and "Why are you done? You should have a long banana." What a goofy kid.
After dinner Jaden had to do his reading, so I have him The Giving Tree. I enjoy that book. He read that and Caleb did my makeup. I was being entertained by both of them. Grandpa was in the kitchen working on making peanut butter shakes. It was fun to watch the boys have their first pb shakes. They just recently found out that they aren't allergic to peanut butter, so now they're trying everything and they LOVE it.
Pastor had his surgery today. I hear it went well. Praise the Lord! I'm so glad that we serve THE Healer. It's amazing that He can take these really serious things and make them so much smaller and easier to manage. Amen!
Song of the Day: Beautiful Redemption
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZgowODfLiU
Verse of the Day: Isaiah 33:2
But Lord, be merciful to us, for we have waited for you. Be our strong arm each day and our salvation in times of trouble.
Day Twenty-Six with Cancer
Day Twenty-Six with Cancer/Day Five without Cancer:
Usually sleeping on the couch would stink, but waking up there this morning was awesome. I couldn't help but giggle as I heard my grandparents whispering back and forth to each other. I felt so blessed to be home and to have them here with me. I sent mom a text telling her that I was awake and they were welcome to come down at any time. They did shortly thereafter, dad carrying the dog so she didn't pounce on my gut.
We got up and got ready for church. I think the men were debating on whether they should go or not, but in the end we all did. How lovely! My father at church two weeks in a row! Everyone was completely shocked to see me there. I should have taken a tally of how many jaws dropped. Hey, I didn't feel BAD, so I was gonna be there. I'm stubborn that way. Plus, I really was hoping that Pastor Terry would be there, since he's having surgery Monday. I spoke with a lot of people on the way in and then sat down next to grandpa. He held my hand for a good part of the service. I was surprised that not only was Pastor Terry there, but he was still preaching. For some reason, I thought Dusty (our Youth Pastor) was preaching. It was such a good message. I was so glad to be there. The Spirit of the Lord was heavy on the service. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness. Pastor Terry had Dusty anoint him at the end of the service. That was seriously awesome. To see the amount of people to go up and get to pray for our pastor was seriously moving. I popped out of my seat and went to join them. When I started praying, I knew at that moment that PT was going to have a healing similar to my own.
After church all of the family went over to Sarah and Jeff's. I kept trying to get Jaden to play Uno or Chicken Foot with me, but he was dead set on Pokemon and I know nothing about that game. We tried air hockey for a little bit, but I stopped so that I could concentrate on the conversation that Jason and I were having. Sydney kept standing on top of the mini air hockey table. That girl already wants to be on the stage. We were having a hard time prying her off. I love that. I hope I'm able to help her develop those natural talents.
We went home and relaxed for a bit before going to bed. I was able to catch up on last week's Glee. Praise God for tivo. It was a seriously lovely day. :D
Song of the Day: In Christ Alone-Owl City
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnWw24s5gG8
Verse of the Day: 2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
Usually sleeping on the couch would stink, but waking up there this morning was awesome. I couldn't help but giggle as I heard my grandparents whispering back and forth to each other. I felt so blessed to be home and to have them here with me. I sent mom a text telling her that I was awake and they were welcome to come down at any time. They did shortly thereafter, dad carrying the dog so she didn't pounce on my gut.
We got up and got ready for church. I think the men were debating on whether they should go or not, but in the end we all did. How lovely! My father at church two weeks in a row! Everyone was completely shocked to see me there. I should have taken a tally of how many jaws dropped. Hey, I didn't feel BAD, so I was gonna be there. I'm stubborn that way. Plus, I really was hoping that Pastor Terry would be there, since he's having surgery Monday. I spoke with a lot of people on the way in and then sat down next to grandpa. He held my hand for a good part of the service. I was surprised that not only was Pastor Terry there, but he was still preaching. For some reason, I thought Dusty (our Youth Pastor) was preaching. It was such a good message. I was so glad to be there. The Spirit of the Lord was heavy on the service. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness. Pastor Terry had Dusty anoint him at the end of the service. That was seriously awesome. To see the amount of people to go up and get to pray for our pastor was seriously moving. I popped out of my seat and went to join them. When I started praying, I knew at that moment that PT was going to have a healing similar to my own.
After church all of the family went over to Sarah and Jeff's. I kept trying to get Jaden to play Uno or Chicken Foot with me, but he was dead set on Pokemon and I know nothing about that game. We tried air hockey for a little bit, but I stopped so that I could concentrate on the conversation that Jason and I were having. Sydney kept standing on top of the mini air hockey table. That girl already wants to be on the stage. We were having a hard time prying her off. I love that. I hope I'm able to help her develop those natural talents.
We went home and relaxed for a bit before going to bed. I was able to catch up on last week's Glee. Praise God for tivo. It was a seriously lovely day. :D
Song of the Day: In Christ Alone-Owl City
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnWw24s5gG8
Verse of the Day: 2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Day Twenty-Five with Cancer
Day Twenty-Five with Cancer/Day Four without Cancer:
How lovely to wake up to the day looking forward to something! It was lovely having something to be excited about, no matter how sore I was. :) My family arrived fairly early this morning, since we needed to start getting my stuff out of my room and none of us had any idea when I might be leaving. Heather and Shy were my RN and Aide today. They are just too much fun. Heather came in this morning and I spoke to her about the Heprin situation. She basically said it wasn't a problem and encouraged me to refuse it. She said I should be off of it anyway, since I wouldn't be having it at home. Praise the Lord, I didn't have to have something else that was really painful! Shy came in and covered up my IV connection so that I could take a shower. *Cue angelic music* My first REAL shower...actually being able to be IN the shower with a shower head over me. It's crazy the things that you take for granted. You don't miss it until you're not able to do it/have it anymore.
Afterward, I saw our new friend, Michael, outside of my door. I felt so awful that he had to stay there when I was able to go home. He told me, "Let me give you some advice, if they ever recommend again that you get surgery...get it! Or...you could be like me and have one surgery turn into nine." How awful for him. What a dear, sweet man and he was in such pain. I'll have to make sure I keep in touch with him.
Shy came in after that to go ahead and remove my IV. It took the poor guy so long to get all the bandages off of my arm. They were so stuck on there. He was nice about it so that it didn't hurt too badly. There was still adhesive EVERYWHERE, but he was able to get the IV out and that part was completely painless. It's nice to have people who are good at what they do.
We waited a little while longer and they brought up a wheelchair so that I didn't have to do the long walk to the car. I just told the family to load up the wheelchair like I was a donkey or something. Lol. Beast of burden. Some random guy took me as far as the elevator and then dad pushed me around. It was entertaining seeing him smile and laugh. He pushed me up to this picture of a head on the wall with no skin (just muscle) and told me to make the same face so that we could take a picture. It's nice to see him seem happy every once in a while. It was interesting to go out the way we did. I didn't get to see all those things when I came in. Outside there was a huge, glass fountain where the water just skimmed over the top. It gave it almost a mirage type appearance, so you couldn't tell if it was actually water, or if it was just really hot outside. Dad brought the car around. Getting in wasn't so bad except for the fact that I slammed my head while getting in. Awesome job, Allison.
We had to go over to the Hope Lodge to make sure the room was clean. Grandma, Grandpa and I sat outside while mom and dad cleaned. They had such a beautiful garden area at the Hope Lodge. There were bricks with names of cancer patients, a gorgeous Dogwood tree, a gazebo in the shade, a pond with a fountain and coy fish. I thought they were goldfish. The sounds of the water and the tiny chimes of the wind chimes were very soothing, not to mention the soft breeze. How wonderful. We took lots of pictures. Grandpa was excited about the enormous spider web in the gazebo. He kept saying that he was waiting for Charlotte to come out. Dad came out a little later. They had been washing the linens in one of the laundry rooms and the one manager was washing her own personal clothing on work time. She said some really mean things because she ended up taking the sheets out of the washing machine and dad said, "Oh, you're helping us out, huh?" I won't even go into what she said, but dad was soo ready to throw down with her. I was laughing because we had a slight issue with her on the night we arrived there. He said he was going to file a formal complaint. I can't say that I blame him.
We started on our way home. It was actually pretty invigorating. It was awesome being able to have the windows down and breathe in the fresh air. Everything was beautiful and green, and lots of people were outside running, walking and playing. When we got on the freeway, my phone rang. It was Dr. Vogel. He asked if I was home, how I was doing and how my pain levels were. I told him why we weren't home and that we had just started on our way. He said he had news about my pathology (which I wasn't supposed to hear until Monday). He said the lymphnodes they tested were free of cancer. It hadn't spread! He said, "...so that means you shouldn't have to have chemo." I said that was excellent. He said, "THAT'S GREAT!" He sounded so excited. Apparently the "tumor team" would still be taking a look at everything, but the only thing I should really count on is a 6 week check up.
I told the family and started sending text messages to let people know what was going on. We stopped at Panera to have some dinner. Yes, I had to eat around all the vegetables and stuff, but it was still much better than hospital cuisine. Plus, I got a yummy strawberry smoothie. :) We finally made it home and I was able to see Cordelia. She was sooo excited to be home again and see all the family. I have to admit, I was pretty excited to see her as well...as annoying as she tends to be. I wanted to take advantage of the beautiful weather, so I took a blanket out onto the front porch and spent the next couple hours out there. I even took a nap for about 45 minutes. Sarah and Hannah came over. I feel so blessed to have strong, Christian girlfriends. They are so wonderful. We sat talking and laughing for such a long time. The laughing was awesome and awful all at once, because it was great fun, but it hurt so badly. Dad started pointing at his watch, so I had to escort the girls out. :(
It was an altogether wonderful day. I couldn't have asked for more. I'm home, I got great news, I got to see my girlfriends and the weather was summery. Praise the Lord for His many blessings.
Day Twenty-Five: Conquered!!!
Song of the Day: How Great Thou Art
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLLMzr3PFgk
Verse of the Day: Psalm 103:1-5
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits,
3 who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
5 who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
How lovely to wake up to the day looking forward to something! It was lovely having something to be excited about, no matter how sore I was. :) My family arrived fairly early this morning, since we needed to start getting my stuff out of my room and none of us had any idea when I might be leaving. Heather and Shy were my RN and Aide today. They are just too much fun. Heather came in this morning and I spoke to her about the Heprin situation. She basically said it wasn't a problem and encouraged me to refuse it. She said I should be off of it anyway, since I wouldn't be having it at home. Praise the Lord, I didn't have to have something else that was really painful! Shy came in and covered up my IV connection so that I could take a shower. *Cue angelic music* My first REAL shower...actually being able to be IN the shower with a shower head over me. It's crazy the things that you take for granted. You don't miss it until you're not able to do it/have it anymore.
Afterward, I saw our new friend, Michael, outside of my door. I felt so awful that he had to stay there when I was able to go home. He told me, "Let me give you some advice, if they ever recommend again that you get surgery...get it! Or...you could be like me and have one surgery turn into nine." How awful for him. What a dear, sweet man and he was in such pain. I'll have to make sure I keep in touch with him.
Shy came in after that to go ahead and remove my IV. It took the poor guy so long to get all the bandages off of my arm. They were so stuck on there. He was nice about it so that it didn't hurt too badly. There was still adhesive EVERYWHERE, but he was able to get the IV out and that part was completely painless. It's nice to have people who are good at what they do.
We waited a little while longer and they brought up a wheelchair so that I didn't have to do the long walk to the car. I just told the family to load up the wheelchair like I was a donkey or something. Lol. Beast of burden. Some random guy took me as far as the elevator and then dad pushed me around. It was entertaining seeing him smile and laugh. He pushed me up to this picture of a head on the wall with no skin (just muscle) and told me to make the same face so that we could take a picture. It's nice to see him seem happy every once in a while. It was interesting to go out the way we did. I didn't get to see all those things when I came in. Outside there was a huge, glass fountain where the water just skimmed over the top. It gave it almost a mirage type appearance, so you couldn't tell if it was actually water, or if it was just really hot outside. Dad brought the car around. Getting in wasn't so bad except for the fact that I slammed my head while getting in. Awesome job, Allison.
We had to go over to the Hope Lodge to make sure the room was clean. Grandma, Grandpa and I sat outside while mom and dad cleaned. They had such a beautiful garden area at the Hope Lodge. There were bricks with names of cancer patients, a gorgeous Dogwood tree, a gazebo in the shade, a pond with a fountain and coy fish. I thought they were goldfish. The sounds of the water and the tiny chimes of the wind chimes were very soothing, not to mention the soft breeze. How wonderful. We took lots of pictures. Grandpa was excited about the enormous spider web in the gazebo. He kept saying that he was waiting for Charlotte to come out. Dad came out a little later. They had been washing the linens in one of the laundry rooms and the one manager was washing her own personal clothing on work time. She said some really mean things because she ended up taking the sheets out of the washing machine and dad said, "Oh, you're helping us out, huh?" I won't even go into what she said, but dad was soo ready to throw down with her. I was laughing because we had a slight issue with her on the night we arrived there. He said he was going to file a formal complaint. I can't say that I blame him.
We started on our way home. It was actually pretty invigorating. It was awesome being able to have the windows down and breathe in the fresh air. Everything was beautiful and green, and lots of people were outside running, walking and playing. When we got on the freeway, my phone rang. It was Dr. Vogel. He asked if I was home, how I was doing and how my pain levels were. I told him why we weren't home and that we had just started on our way. He said he had news about my pathology (which I wasn't supposed to hear until Monday). He said the lymphnodes they tested were free of cancer. It hadn't spread! He said, "...so that means you shouldn't have to have chemo." I said that was excellent. He said, "THAT'S GREAT!" He sounded so excited. Apparently the "tumor team" would still be taking a look at everything, but the only thing I should really count on is a 6 week check up.
I told the family and started sending text messages to let people know what was going on. We stopped at Panera to have some dinner. Yes, I had to eat around all the vegetables and stuff, but it was still much better than hospital cuisine. Plus, I got a yummy strawberry smoothie. :) We finally made it home and I was able to see Cordelia. She was sooo excited to be home again and see all the family. I have to admit, I was pretty excited to see her as well...as annoying as she tends to be. I wanted to take advantage of the beautiful weather, so I took a blanket out onto the front porch and spent the next couple hours out there. I even took a nap for about 45 minutes. Sarah and Hannah came over. I feel so blessed to have strong, Christian girlfriends. They are so wonderful. We sat talking and laughing for such a long time. The laughing was awesome and awful all at once, because it was great fun, but it hurt so badly. Dad started pointing at his watch, so I had to escort the girls out. :(
It was an altogether wonderful day. I couldn't have asked for more. I'm home, I got great news, I got to see my girlfriends and the weather was summery. Praise the Lord for His many blessings.
Day Twenty-Five: Conquered!!!
Song of the Day: How Great Thou Art
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLLMzr3PFgk
Verse of the Day: Psalm 103:1-5
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits,
3 who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
5 who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Day Twenty-Four with Cancer
Day Twenty-Four with Cancer/ Day Three without Cancer:
It was a pretty slow morning today. The family got there a little bit later than usual, so I tried to get a little more sleep. Aunt Deb wasn't able to stay for very long, because her flight was at three. She left us by noon. I was kind of sad to see her go. She had been such fun and so helpful while she was here. It was always interesting to see her and mom together. They have so many similarities, but are such different people. I enjoy watching that dynamic. I guess Sarah and I are probably kinda like that in some ways. Mom walked Aunt Deb out and when she came back, she held out her hand for me. I gave her a questioning look and reached out my own hand. She dropped a large, white crystal into it. I just laughed and said, "This must be from your sister." She's a sweetheart.
Grandma and I decided to take a walk a little bit later and I saw Dr. Vogel down the hallway. I suggested that we follow him instead of taking my usual route. We got to where he was sitting and he commented on how good I looked. I told him that they had reduced my Heprin to twice a day and he said that since I was up and walking around that I wouldn't need to take it at all anymore. I was completely delighted to hear that since I had huge, lumpy bruises all up and down the backs of my arms. He asked if I wanted to leave tomorrow and I said I'd love to. He told us that he'd be starting his rounds in a few minutes and that we could discuss it all in my room. I decided to walk the entire floor in celebration, which turned out to possibly have been a bad idea. I got kinda queasy after that, but it was well worth it.
Dr. Vogel met us in the room a few minutes later. He was all smiles. He said everything was looking great and that if I wanted to go home tomorrow, I could. He said they could start me on the "All Liquid" diet and see how I handled that, but that I could start the soft diet whenever I wanted. My incisions looked great. I didn't even have bandages or band-aids on them at any point. Dr. Vogel was all smiles. He said I was their "superstar". That made me happy. Grandma said I was their superstar, too. Since he made his rounds so early, that meant that the whole family would still be able to go to Jenny's graduation. I am so proud of her. I wish I had been able to be there, or at least have gotten it Skyped or something. I was glad that everyone else was able to go. I was afraid that people were going to feel like they needed to stay with me because I was in the hospital, but I just wanted to make sure that no one abandoned her on her special day. I realize that I'm going through something, but she deserves to feel important after such a huge accomplishment!
It worked out anyway, because Dustin, Mark, Aunt Deb and Uncle Jeff all came to visit at the same time. Once we were all stuffed in my room I suggested taking a walk to one of the larger sitting areas. I figured that way we wouldn't disturb my roommate and we'd be able to spread out a little more. It was so nice to be able to see all of them. It's been so long since I've seen Mark, and I probably haven't seen Dustin since Drowsy. They all stayed for probably just over and hour and then Jeff arrived with the boys. They asked all kinds of questions. "Ali, what is that for? Why are you in your pajamas? Why do you have slippers on? What is that tube doing in your arm?" It was hilarious. They're so sweet. I was just glad that they weren't totally afraid of me. Everyone else left and Jeff, Jaden, Caleb and I went back to my room. I told them that they'd have to be really quiet because there was another woman in my room and she'd probably be trying to sleep. We put on the Dawn Treader and they did a really great job of being quiet and not fighting. They even remembered to whisper when they asked me questions or commented on the movie. I really enjoyed when Caleb leaned over as he laid in the bed next to me and asked, "Ali, can you go get me a drink?" I told him that I couldn't get up to do that, but he didn't seem to understand why I wasn't able. Jaden just responded with, "Ugh...CALEB." Like DUH, of course she can't get you a drink, you idiot. They're so funny.
My night nurse came in with my Heprin shot. I was like, "Umm...I was told that I didn't have to take that anymore by Dr. Vogel." She tried to explain that he probably said that, but he never had cancelled the order. She was kind of a snot about it though. She finally said, "Well, you DO have the right to refuse it." I just asked if we could at least wait until the boys were gone. That shot hurts like the dickens and gives me all kinds of bruising. I didn't want the boys to see me in significant pain. I think that would scare them a little. She left me alone after that. Jeremy came and brought my sister. He also brought some soup. The soup that they gave me on the "All Liquid" diet was this cream of chicken broth with all kinds of nasty looking coagulation stuff on the top. It made me gag just smelling it. My nurse was going to take me off of the pain pump though, and she wanted me to have something in my stomach. I had my soup and she took me off of the pump. I was officially free of attachments! What a lovely feeling! Sarah, Jeff and the boys left and Jeremy and I just hung out the rest of the evening. He was in communication with someone about a car as I attempted to drift off to sleep. So much progress made today!
Day Twenty-Four: Chuck Norris, who? Yeah...even he's afraid of how BA I am.
Song of the Day: The Redeemer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DMtSaHoKKA
Verse of the Day: Psalm 55:22
It was a pretty slow morning today. The family got there a little bit later than usual, so I tried to get a little more sleep. Aunt Deb wasn't able to stay for very long, because her flight was at three. She left us by noon. I was kind of sad to see her go. She had been such fun and so helpful while she was here. It was always interesting to see her and mom together. They have so many similarities, but are such different people. I enjoy watching that dynamic. I guess Sarah and I are probably kinda like that in some ways. Mom walked Aunt Deb out and when she came back, she held out her hand for me. I gave her a questioning look and reached out my own hand. She dropped a large, white crystal into it. I just laughed and said, "This must be from your sister." She's a sweetheart.
Grandma and I decided to take a walk a little bit later and I saw Dr. Vogel down the hallway. I suggested that we follow him instead of taking my usual route. We got to where he was sitting and he commented on how good I looked. I told him that they had reduced my Heprin to twice a day and he said that since I was up and walking around that I wouldn't need to take it at all anymore. I was completely delighted to hear that since I had huge, lumpy bruises all up and down the backs of my arms. He asked if I wanted to leave tomorrow and I said I'd love to. He told us that he'd be starting his rounds in a few minutes and that we could discuss it all in my room. I decided to walk the entire floor in celebration, which turned out to possibly have been a bad idea. I got kinda queasy after that, but it was well worth it.
Dr. Vogel met us in the room a few minutes later. He was all smiles. He said everything was looking great and that if I wanted to go home tomorrow, I could. He said they could start me on the "All Liquid" diet and see how I handled that, but that I could start the soft diet whenever I wanted. My incisions looked great. I didn't even have bandages or band-aids on them at any point. Dr. Vogel was all smiles. He said I was their "superstar". That made me happy. Grandma said I was their superstar, too. Since he made his rounds so early, that meant that the whole family would still be able to go to Jenny's graduation. I am so proud of her. I wish I had been able to be there, or at least have gotten it Skyped or something. I was glad that everyone else was able to go. I was afraid that people were going to feel like they needed to stay with me because I was in the hospital, but I just wanted to make sure that no one abandoned her on her special day. I realize that I'm going through something, but she deserves to feel important after such a huge accomplishment!
It worked out anyway, because Dustin, Mark, Aunt Deb and Uncle Jeff all came to visit at the same time. Once we were all stuffed in my room I suggested taking a walk to one of the larger sitting areas. I figured that way we wouldn't disturb my roommate and we'd be able to spread out a little more. It was so nice to be able to see all of them. It's been so long since I've seen Mark, and I probably haven't seen Dustin since Drowsy. They all stayed for probably just over and hour and then Jeff arrived with the boys. They asked all kinds of questions. "Ali, what is that for? Why are you in your pajamas? Why do you have slippers on? What is that tube doing in your arm?" It was hilarious. They're so sweet. I was just glad that they weren't totally afraid of me. Everyone else left and Jeff, Jaden, Caleb and I went back to my room. I told them that they'd have to be really quiet because there was another woman in my room and she'd probably be trying to sleep. We put on the Dawn Treader and they did a really great job of being quiet and not fighting. They even remembered to whisper when they asked me questions or commented on the movie. I really enjoyed when Caleb leaned over as he laid in the bed next to me and asked, "Ali, can you go get me a drink?" I told him that I couldn't get up to do that, but he didn't seem to understand why I wasn't able. Jaden just responded with, "Ugh...CALEB." Like DUH, of course she can't get you a drink, you idiot. They're so funny.
My night nurse came in with my Heprin shot. I was like, "Umm...I was told that I didn't have to take that anymore by Dr. Vogel." She tried to explain that he probably said that, but he never had cancelled the order. She was kind of a snot about it though. She finally said, "Well, you DO have the right to refuse it." I just asked if we could at least wait until the boys were gone. That shot hurts like the dickens and gives me all kinds of bruising. I didn't want the boys to see me in significant pain. I think that would scare them a little. She left me alone after that. Jeremy came and brought my sister. He also brought some soup. The soup that they gave me on the "All Liquid" diet was this cream of chicken broth with all kinds of nasty looking coagulation stuff on the top. It made me gag just smelling it. My nurse was going to take me off of the pain pump though, and she wanted me to have something in my stomach. I had my soup and she took me off of the pump. I was officially free of attachments! What a lovely feeling! Sarah, Jeff and the boys left and Jeremy and I just hung out the rest of the evening. He was in communication with someone about a car as I attempted to drift off to sleep. So much progress made today!
Day Twenty-Four: Chuck Norris, who? Yeah...even he's afraid of how BA I am.
Song of the Day: The Redeemer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DMtSaHoKKA
Verse of the Day: Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.
Day Twenty-Three with Cancer
Day Twenty-Three with Cancer/ Day Two without Cancer:
This morning I was able to Skype with the kids. What a wonderful experience. They seemed very excited to see me, but a little hesitant because it was weird for them to see me that way and they weren't sure where I was. A couple of them asked if I was hospital and a couple more told me that I had a "beautiful house". I thought that was just hilarious. Robert looked very upset and almost a little scared. J'Viaun just kept sticking his face directly in the camera and saying "Hiiiii" really monotone. It was hilarious. He started sobbing when Shiloh and Debbie finally pulled him away from the screen. It was great to see my friend home safe after visiting her brother. I am so happy that HE's home safe! The men who serve our country are such a blessing to us.
I found that my pain meds were making me really itchy and at one point the itching in my feet became almost unbearable. Aunt Debbie lotioned my feet. I never thought that I'd allow anyone to do that, but it felt so good and I couldn't fold over to scratch them. After she lotioned my feet, she laid hands on my hands, head and stomach. It was really sweet. It meant a lot that she cared enough not only to fly out, but to really work at trying to take care of me. It meant a lot to have someone there who had gone through a very similar experience.
My Foley came out today and that was VERY exciting for me. LOL. Isn't that awful? Nothing like getting excited to pee on your own.
The geneticist came in in the afternoon and spoke with us for quite a long time. It was nice to be able to sit and talk with her for a while. She didn't seem like she was in a hurry to get to her next patient, so it was just cool to be able to ask as many questions as we wanted and take our time. She told us that the cancer wasn't because of Lynch Syndrome, which is very good news in my opinion. That means the rest of my family doesn't have to get poked and prodded. It could still be a very, very rare genetic disease, but now we know it's not the "big" one. I feel good about that. Her next step is going to be looking at the medical records of my family and taking it from there.
My grandparents arrived that evening and they stopped by to see me briefly before they had to get back to the "Lodge". I wish I had more time with them, but they were probably exhausted anyway. After they left, I had my very first Angry Birds experience. I can see why people get hooked on that game. I kept getting stuck on levels and going, "I should be able to do this!! Why can't I beat it?!" It was pretty amusing. Before very long I went to sleep...if you can get REAL sleep in the hospital.
Song of the Day: Overcome
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqXZD_z3eCc
Verse of the Day: John 14:27
This morning I was able to Skype with the kids. What a wonderful experience. They seemed very excited to see me, but a little hesitant because it was weird for them to see me that way and they weren't sure where I was. A couple of them asked if I was hospital and a couple more told me that I had a "beautiful house". I thought that was just hilarious. Robert looked very upset and almost a little scared. J'Viaun just kept sticking his face directly in the camera and saying "Hiiiii" really monotone. It was hilarious. He started sobbing when Shiloh and Debbie finally pulled him away from the screen. It was great to see my friend home safe after visiting her brother. I am so happy that HE's home safe! The men who serve our country are such a blessing to us.
I found that my pain meds were making me really itchy and at one point the itching in my feet became almost unbearable. Aunt Debbie lotioned my feet. I never thought that I'd allow anyone to do that, but it felt so good and I couldn't fold over to scratch them. After she lotioned my feet, she laid hands on my hands, head and stomach. It was really sweet. It meant a lot that she cared enough not only to fly out, but to really work at trying to take care of me. It meant a lot to have someone there who had gone through a very similar experience.
My Foley came out today and that was VERY exciting for me. LOL. Isn't that awful? Nothing like getting excited to pee on your own.
The geneticist came in in the afternoon and spoke with us for quite a long time. It was nice to be able to sit and talk with her for a while. She didn't seem like she was in a hurry to get to her next patient, so it was just cool to be able to ask as many questions as we wanted and take our time. She told us that the cancer wasn't because of Lynch Syndrome, which is very good news in my opinion. That means the rest of my family doesn't have to get poked and prodded. It could still be a very, very rare genetic disease, but now we know it's not the "big" one. I feel good about that. Her next step is going to be looking at the medical records of my family and taking it from there.
My grandparents arrived that evening and they stopped by to see me briefly before they had to get back to the "Lodge". I wish I had more time with them, but they were probably exhausted anyway. After they left, I had my very first Angry Birds experience. I can see why people get hooked on that game. I kept getting stuck on levels and going, "I should be able to do this!! Why can't I beat it?!" It was pretty amusing. Before very long I went to sleep...if you can get REAL sleep in the hospital.
Song of the Day: Overcome
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqXZD_z3eCc
Verse of the Day: John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Day Twenty-Two with Cancer
Day Twenty-Two with Cancer/Day One without Cancer:
This morning I woke up at 4:30am. I admit, I was very thankful that we weren't staying at my house. I probably would have had to wake up at 2:30 or something. We headed to the hospital and "checked in", getting our super cool pager. I had quite the entourage as I sat in the waiting area. Mom, dad, Sarah, Jason, Jenny, Syd, Chuck, Dusty, and Jeremy were there. We sat there chatting and laughing the whole time, making colon and cancer jokes, and reminiscing. I was afraid that everyone else in the waiting area was going to complain and we were going to get into trouble, but we were having a good time. Sydney was keeping everyone in stitches as she waved to all the people and played on Sarah's ipad. I was called back and mom, Jeremy and I followed everyone back to the next waiting area. It was amazing how many people were going for a colon related surgery! There were so many people in that area that I offered my seat and went to sit at the kids' table. It had chairs with backs that were shaped like clovers...I thought initially that they were like card suits, but I don't think any of the other ones went along with those.
Finally we were all called to the PACU and took the long walk back with mom, Jeremy, and all the others going in for surgery. They called us in one by one, with the automatic door closing behind each person. Mom and I discussed that it seemed a little like The Island and that maybe I was a clone going in to have my organs harvested. That's an uplifting thought, right? I kept thinking about the scene with the football player waking up on the operating table and escaping, just to have them pull him back with meat hooks in his calves. Yucko. I was shown my bed and introduced to my nurse, Mike. He was pretty fun. I did a super fun urine test (which I found out later was them making sure I wasn't preggers) and then I put on my beautiful gown and paper hat. I looked hot. LOL. Mike gave me a painful shot of heprin and then put in my IV.
Shortly after that, Jeremy said he was feeling weird and mom had him take her chair. Within moments his lips went white, his eyes got kinda crossy and he started falling out of his chair. Mom looked at him for a moment thinking he was joking and then ran over to catch his arm before he smacked his head on the floor. She called a couple nurses over and they got him back up into the chair. Everyone was assuming it was a blood sugar issue, so they gave him some cranberry juice and m&m's, which he promptly "got rid of". Mike laughed and said he was stealing my thunder. I joked back that he was just upset that I was in the spotlight instead of him. Mom finally went to get Jeremy's blood sugar monitor and when she and dad came back and he tested, he was normal. He apparently got woozy because he watched them put in my IV and the realization of all that was going to happen to me just hit him. Mike was super cool about the whole thing. He had said that the OR was ready, but he wanted to make sure Jeremy was taken care of first so that I wasn't worrying over it while I waited. They rolled me out and mom, dad and Jeremy walked down the hall with me and kissed me before they took me away.
The halls going to the OR seemed endless. I kept thinking how surprised I was that I wasn't out already. We got into a big freight-type elevator and went up a couple floors, they dropped me outside of the OR and left. At that moment I felt very alone and was wishing that my mother had been able to follow me upstairs. One of the women helping Dr. Vogel came out after a little while. She helped me to feel a little bit better. The team of anesthetists also came out to speak with me. Several minutes later, the whole team came out and had a little meeting around my bed. I kinda felt like they were going to do a prayer huddle over me, but they didn't. Dr. Vogel explained what they were going to do and asked if I had any questions. I felt so silly, but I ended up asking if there was any way they could go around my navel ring hole or something. I just felt like I needed to keep any semblance of normalcy that I was able. He actually really seemed to understand. He said, "Of course! We'll start it a little bit lower and then you can wear a dangly one that covers your scarring." I thought that was super sweet of him. They rolled me in there and then had me get over onto the surgical table, putting my head in the center of this Styrofoam ring and then they strapped my legs down to the table. I told them how surprised I was that I was still so alert for all of this and one of the women said that I probably wouldn't even remember talking to her or anything else that happened in the OR. I started talking with the female anesthesiologist for a little while an before long, I was out.
I woke up very alert in the ICU. They were keeping an eye on me, but I felt so good, I kept wondering why they weren't just letting my parents come in. The nurse said that they were going to wait a few more minutes and then could call them in. My parents came in shortly after and my dad's face was priceless. He looked amazed when he came in. His eyes were huge. I think we all expected for me to be incoherent and drooling, but I felt completely normal. They were allowed 5 minutes with me and then they had to leave, but within 10 minutes they were back. I was surprised to see them. Apparently, as soon as they got back to the main waiting area, the admin assistant person called out our last name. My parents were scared, since they had just left me. They were wondering what would have happened in the short time that they had been walking. They got back to me and a nurse started talking to them and finally she said, "Wait...I need the family for THIS bed." It turns out that the person in the bed next to me was a Lair and not a Lehr. Sound the same, spelled differently. My nurse said they might as well go ahead and walk me to my room instead of going all the way back to the waiting area first. We got to my room and then within ten minutes the rest of the family started coming in. Jason looked super surprised when he saw me as well. Apparently no one thought I was going to look very good when I woke up.
I felt a lot better than I thought I would that day. I was off all my monitors and stuff right away and was able to be off of my oxygen by 7 o'clock that evening. The only time I was feeling a considerable amount of pain was in the night. I had quite a bit of pain in my chest and back, over my collar bone and my shoulder blades. This was because they had to deflate my lungs to do the surgery and my arms were strapped straight out like I was on a cross. After two and a half hours of being in that position, it wasn't really a surprise that I was sore.
Day Twenty-Two: Suck it, cancer.
Song of the Day: Our Hope Endures
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1mu3F0dQz0
Verse of the Day; Psalm 34:7-8
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, And rescues them. O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
This morning I woke up at 4:30am. I admit, I was very thankful that we weren't staying at my house. I probably would have had to wake up at 2:30 or something. We headed to the hospital and "checked in", getting our super cool pager. I had quite the entourage as I sat in the waiting area. Mom, dad, Sarah, Jason, Jenny, Syd, Chuck, Dusty, and Jeremy were there. We sat there chatting and laughing the whole time, making colon and cancer jokes, and reminiscing. I was afraid that everyone else in the waiting area was going to complain and we were going to get into trouble, but we were having a good time. Sydney was keeping everyone in stitches as she waved to all the people and played on Sarah's ipad. I was called back and mom, Jeremy and I followed everyone back to the next waiting area. It was amazing how many people were going for a colon related surgery! There were so many people in that area that I offered my seat and went to sit at the kids' table. It had chairs with backs that were shaped like clovers...I thought initially that they were like card suits, but I don't think any of the other ones went along with those.
Finally we were all called to the PACU and took the long walk back with mom, Jeremy, and all the others going in for surgery. They called us in one by one, with the automatic door closing behind each person. Mom and I discussed that it seemed a little like The Island and that maybe I was a clone going in to have my organs harvested. That's an uplifting thought, right? I kept thinking about the scene with the football player waking up on the operating table and escaping, just to have them pull him back with meat hooks in his calves. Yucko. I was shown my bed and introduced to my nurse, Mike. He was pretty fun. I did a super fun urine test (which I found out later was them making sure I wasn't preggers) and then I put on my beautiful gown and paper hat. I looked hot. LOL. Mike gave me a painful shot of heprin and then put in my IV.
Shortly after that, Jeremy said he was feeling weird and mom had him take her chair. Within moments his lips went white, his eyes got kinda crossy and he started falling out of his chair. Mom looked at him for a moment thinking he was joking and then ran over to catch his arm before he smacked his head on the floor. She called a couple nurses over and they got him back up into the chair. Everyone was assuming it was a blood sugar issue, so they gave him some cranberry juice and m&m's, which he promptly "got rid of". Mike laughed and said he was stealing my thunder. I joked back that he was just upset that I was in the spotlight instead of him. Mom finally went to get Jeremy's blood sugar monitor and when she and dad came back and he tested, he was normal. He apparently got woozy because he watched them put in my IV and the realization of all that was going to happen to me just hit him. Mike was super cool about the whole thing. He had said that the OR was ready, but he wanted to make sure Jeremy was taken care of first so that I wasn't worrying over it while I waited. They rolled me out and mom, dad and Jeremy walked down the hall with me and kissed me before they took me away.
The halls going to the OR seemed endless. I kept thinking how surprised I was that I wasn't out already. We got into a big freight-type elevator and went up a couple floors, they dropped me outside of the OR and left. At that moment I felt very alone and was wishing that my mother had been able to follow me upstairs. One of the women helping Dr. Vogel came out after a little while. She helped me to feel a little bit better. The team of anesthetists also came out to speak with me. Several minutes later, the whole team came out and had a little meeting around my bed. I kinda felt like they were going to do a prayer huddle over me, but they didn't. Dr. Vogel explained what they were going to do and asked if I had any questions. I felt so silly, but I ended up asking if there was any way they could go around my navel ring hole or something. I just felt like I needed to keep any semblance of normalcy that I was able. He actually really seemed to understand. He said, "Of course! We'll start it a little bit lower and then you can wear a dangly one that covers your scarring." I thought that was super sweet of him. They rolled me in there and then had me get over onto the surgical table, putting my head in the center of this Styrofoam ring and then they strapped my legs down to the table. I told them how surprised I was that I was still so alert for all of this and one of the women said that I probably wouldn't even remember talking to her or anything else that happened in the OR. I started talking with the female anesthesiologist for a little while an before long, I was out.
I woke up very alert in the ICU. They were keeping an eye on me, but I felt so good, I kept wondering why they weren't just letting my parents come in. The nurse said that they were going to wait a few more minutes and then could call them in. My parents came in shortly after and my dad's face was priceless. He looked amazed when he came in. His eyes were huge. I think we all expected for me to be incoherent and drooling, but I felt completely normal. They were allowed 5 minutes with me and then they had to leave, but within 10 minutes they were back. I was surprised to see them. Apparently, as soon as they got back to the main waiting area, the admin assistant person called out our last name. My parents were scared, since they had just left me. They were wondering what would have happened in the short time that they had been walking. They got back to me and a nurse started talking to them and finally she said, "Wait...I need the family for THIS bed." It turns out that the person in the bed next to me was a Lair and not a Lehr. Sound the same, spelled differently. My nurse said they might as well go ahead and walk me to my room instead of going all the way back to the waiting area first. We got to my room and then within ten minutes the rest of the family started coming in. Jason looked super surprised when he saw me as well. Apparently no one thought I was going to look very good when I woke up.
I felt a lot better than I thought I would that day. I was off all my monitors and stuff right away and was able to be off of my oxygen by 7 o'clock that evening. The only time I was feeling a considerable amount of pain was in the night. I had quite a bit of pain in my chest and back, over my collar bone and my shoulder blades. This was because they had to deflate my lungs to do the surgery and my arms were strapped straight out like I was on a cross. After two and a half hours of being in that position, it wasn't really a surprise that I was sore.
Day Twenty-Two: Suck it, cancer.
Song of the Day: Our Hope Endures
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1mu3F0dQz0
Verse of the Day; Psalm 34:7-8
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, And rescues them. O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Day Twenty-One with Cancer
Day Twenty-One with Cancer:
This officially marks the three week point of my journey. It's hard to believe that this much time has already gone by. Surgery is tomorrow. That seems crazy to me.
I opened today. It was surprisingly nice. I got a little alone time before anyone came in. It's kind of nice to be able to just get things done quietly. I was so excited because I was going to be able to be with the kids that I feel like I never see anymore, as well as Miss Debbie. (There was no Shiloh. She was still in Cali visiting her brother.) Miss Debbie and I were listening to music that she wanted me singing on my way into the operating room. She's a friggin hoot. We had such a nice time. Robert, Mariyah, Sam and Julia all seemed happy to see me again. Hopefully next time it won't be such a long time in between. I love those kids. As many stress lines as I feel they give me, they have to give me at least as many laugh lines.
Of course, I was still with the Toddlers once they ended up getting there, but it was easier being able to hang out with the other classes until we got some more kids. I got out a little late, but was still gone by 12 since I had to start my prep. As disgusting as all that is, it was still better than having to drink the ENORMO bottle of salt water I had to have to my other procedures. This one I was at least able to take some over the counter stuff that I could mix with Gatorade. I decided to go with Blueberry-Pomegranate. As far as relatively tasteless drinks go, it wasn't bad...it just stinks that I had to drink so much of it. After I started that and got all packed up, we had to get the dog ready to go stay at the kennel. I was concerned cause I honestly didn't think I was going to be able to make it to the hospital an hour away. It was difficult, but we managed. We then stopped in Painesville to meet up with Sarah so that she could follow us. I ended up just riding with her and begging her to make me stop laughing before I had an accident. We kinda got lost trying to find the Hope Lodge and then once we got in, we waited for a really long time. We finally ended up getting a tour. It was a nice place. Yes, it smelled like a nursing home, but considering it was free, I couldn't really complain. I had forgotten my surgical guide at home, so after a while, dad ended up driving home. I realized at that time that my frogs had been knocked over and no one could find them. I was devastated. The entire reason I brought them was so that they'd be safe and well cared for. I wasn't sure they would have gotten fed otherwise. Now it looked as if they were dead. This is NOT what I needed the night before surgery. I took my additional pills to finish my prep and then we all got ready for bed. Mom and I slept in the same bed. It's been a while since we've done that. It made me feel like I was little again. :)
I ended up getting up in the middle of the night feeling REALLY nauseated. I think it was because I didn't drink nearly the amount of water I was supposed to have with those pills before I fell asleep. Jeremy just happened to be up changing his pump, so he watched me until I was finally able to sleep again.
I hate that I'm more worried about my poor frogs than this surgery.
Song of the Day: Stronger-Mandisa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3TPq8ZSvTk
Verse of the Day: Psalm 145:18-19
This officially marks the three week point of my journey. It's hard to believe that this much time has already gone by. Surgery is tomorrow. That seems crazy to me.
I opened today. It was surprisingly nice. I got a little alone time before anyone came in. It's kind of nice to be able to just get things done quietly. I was so excited because I was going to be able to be with the kids that I feel like I never see anymore, as well as Miss Debbie. (There was no Shiloh. She was still in Cali visiting her brother.) Miss Debbie and I were listening to music that she wanted me singing on my way into the operating room. She's a friggin hoot. We had such a nice time. Robert, Mariyah, Sam and Julia all seemed happy to see me again. Hopefully next time it won't be such a long time in between. I love those kids. As many stress lines as I feel they give me, they have to give me at least as many laugh lines.
Of course, I was still with the Toddlers once they ended up getting there, but it was easier being able to hang out with the other classes until we got some more kids. I got out a little late, but was still gone by 12 since I had to start my prep. As disgusting as all that is, it was still better than having to drink the ENORMO bottle of salt water I had to have to my other procedures. This one I was at least able to take some over the counter stuff that I could mix with Gatorade. I decided to go with Blueberry-Pomegranate. As far as relatively tasteless drinks go, it wasn't bad...it just stinks that I had to drink so much of it. After I started that and got all packed up, we had to get the dog ready to go stay at the kennel. I was concerned cause I honestly didn't think I was going to be able to make it to the hospital an hour away. It was difficult, but we managed. We then stopped in Painesville to meet up with Sarah so that she could follow us. I ended up just riding with her and begging her to make me stop laughing before I had an accident. We kinda got lost trying to find the Hope Lodge and then once we got in, we waited for a really long time. We finally ended up getting a tour. It was a nice place. Yes, it smelled like a nursing home, but considering it was free, I couldn't really complain. I had forgotten my surgical guide at home, so after a while, dad ended up driving home. I realized at that time that my frogs had been knocked over and no one could find them. I was devastated. The entire reason I brought them was so that they'd be safe and well cared for. I wasn't sure they would have gotten fed otherwise. Now it looked as if they were dead. This is NOT what I needed the night before surgery. I took my additional pills to finish my prep and then we all got ready for bed. Mom and I slept in the same bed. It's been a while since we've done that. It made me feel like I was little again. :)
I ended up getting up in the middle of the night feeling REALLY nauseated. I think it was because I didn't drink nearly the amount of water I was supposed to have with those pills before I fell asleep. Jeremy just happened to be up changing his pump, so he watched me until I was finally able to sleep again.
I hate that I'm more worried about my poor frogs than this surgery.
Song of the Day: Stronger-Mandisa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3TPq8ZSvTk
Verse of the Day: Psalm 145:18-19
Friday, May 20, 2011
Day Twenty with Cancer
Day Twenty with Cancer:
I made it! Twenty whole days with this crazy disease in my body! I guess it doesn't matter much, cause it won't be there much longer! Two more days until surgery. I'm gonna kick it's tail.
Mondays are hard. If you haven't noticed this, please tell me what your secret is, cause I'd love to know if it's plain denial or just drugs. :) Anyway, I got to work with the toddlers today. That's ALWAYS hard. For some reason, I can never prepare myself for the ridiculous shrieking that comes from those children, as well as jacking each other in the faces and slamming their own heads into the floor. I just don't get it. Even despite all the craziness, it turned out to be a relatively decent work day.
There wasn't a lot of activity when I got home. Mom and I hung out and tried to prepare ourselves for all the things we were going to need to do the following day. I was thinking we'd get a little more in depth when dad got home, but he ended up going straight to bed. We planned and made lists and before I knew it, it was past my bed time. It's been so long since I've opened that I forgot about going to bed at 10. At 10:20 or so I realized that I still had to call Jeremy. Needless to say, I ended up staying up until around 12 or so. At least I got the following day planned out. Right? Oy!
Song of the Day: In Your Arms
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2IcfoCmzTg
Verse of the Day: Psalm 100
Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth!
2 Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing!
3 Know that the Lord, he is God!
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!
5 For the Lord is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations
Day Nineteen with Cancer
Day Nineteen with Cancer:
It's Sunday! I've been looking forward to this day all week. Last Sunday pastor and I discussed having me anointed. All the family woke up and got ready for church...this included my father. Jeremy and I drove separately, because we were going to a going away party in the afternoon. I'm not sure why, but Jeremy didn't realize that dad was coming. We got there and he was really shocked. I don't know if shocked was the right word for what I was feeling. I wasn't really surprised exactly. I was really thankful. I just kept praying that God would work in his life and speak to Him through what was going on with me. I realize it's going to take something big for him to "break", and I think this could be that thing. I pray it is.
Pastor's message was fantastic. He had just gotten some unnerving news that could potentially effect his health. It's amazing and inspiring to see that He continues to trust in God and know that He's taken care of him for all these weeks before he even knew something was wrong. There's no way God would leave him now. I guess that's exactly how I felt. There were so many reasons that I probably should have even found out that I had cancer, but God made a series of events occur in such a way that we ended up looking for something else. Thankfully, we found the cancer before it got worse. God is a merciful healer. I praise Him for all He's done for me throughout this process.
At the end of the service, we got together and anointed me. I'm going to add the youtube link from that day, because even I haven't seen how God worked that day. All I know is that there seemed to be an army praying for me. It was an amazing feeling. People who barely know me are intervening in prayer. What a blessing.
After church, the family and I went to some new Mexican restaurant in Painesville. It was really good, but I wasn't very hungry. It was good to have us all together. I realized this would be the last time we were all together before my surgery, and even then, we'd be missing a few people. I love my family so much. I love that we were able to sit there and make butt jokes and cancer jokes, but still talk about the important things. Jaden was upset because he didn't get one of the blue bracelets. I told him he could wear mine since I wouldn't be able to wear it during the surgery. He had lots of questions. He tried to play the strong boy, but I knew he was worried.
After dinner, Jeremy and I headed over to Howard's Jewelry to see if they might be willing to donate something for the fundraiser. We had a nice chat with a few of the women and then kinda ran out of there when we realized what time it was. It was insanely windy as we went back to the car. I was getting ready to pull a Mary Poppins. It was some crazy stuff.
We drove to Cassidy to see Mike and Trin off. I'm really going to miss them. They're such a wonderful couple and total assets to the local theatre scene. I was also able to see some other theatre people I haven't seen in a while. That was really nice. Having to take a break from everything lately has been KILLING me...at least this way I was still able to hang out with some of the people I love so much from the theatre. It was really amusing to see all the kids trying to dance. How awesome to be little and have NO inhibitions. They were just having the best time. After that, we met up with most of them at the Blue Moose. We didn't stay too long, but they had us laughing the entire time.
Jeremy and I left to look for a place to have a "real" dinner, and ended up at Applebees. I don't know if you'd call that a real dinner or not, but my salad was delicious. We tried not to stay out too late, so that I could make sure I was still going to get home in one piece. I ended up being very tired on the way home, but I made it alright. Michael sent me a text to thank us for coming and seeing them off. I'm going to miss those guys.
I've decided to add the links for the service as well as my song and verse for the day. Hope you get as much out of it as I did!
(Part one) http://www.youtube.com/user/PainesvilleNaz#p/a/u/0/bz1NCLN9B-M
(Part two) http://www.youtube.com/user/PainesvilleNaz#p/a/u/1/xn94Y6olUvU
(Part three) http://www.youtube.com/user/PainesvilleNaz#p/a/u/2/w9xfHSn4rG4
(Part four) http://www.youtube.com/user/PainesvilleNaz#p/u/3/9w_r0kAFEi4
Song of the Day: Manifesto http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_6JQDsbtlM
Verse of the Day: 1 Corinthians 15:57
But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
It's Sunday! I've been looking forward to this day all week. Last Sunday pastor and I discussed having me anointed. All the family woke up and got ready for church...this included my father. Jeremy and I drove separately, because we were going to a going away party in the afternoon. I'm not sure why, but Jeremy didn't realize that dad was coming. We got there and he was really shocked. I don't know if shocked was the right word for what I was feeling. I wasn't really surprised exactly. I was really thankful. I just kept praying that God would work in his life and speak to Him through what was going on with me. I realize it's going to take something big for him to "break", and I think this could be that thing. I pray it is.
Pastor's message was fantastic. He had just gotten some unnerving news that could potentially effect his health. It's amazing and inspiring to see that He continues to trust in God and know that He's taken care of him for all these weeks before he even knew something was wrong. There's no way God would leave him now. I guess that's exactly how I felt. There were so many reasons that I probably should have even found out that I had cancer, but God made a series of events occur in such a way that we ended up looking for something else. Thankfully, we found the cancer before it got worse. God is a merciful healer. I praise Him for all He's done for me throughout this process.
At the end of the service, we got together and anointed me. I'm going to add the youtube link from that day, because even I haven't seen how God worked that day. All I know is that there seemed to be an army praying for me. It was an amazing feeling. People who barely know me are intervening in prayer. What a blessing.
After church, the family and I went to some new Mexican restaurant in Painesville. It was really good, but I wasn't very hungry. It was good to have us all together. I realized this would be the last time we were all together before my surgery, and even then, we'd be missing a few people. I love my family so much. I love that we were able to sit there and make butt jokes and cancer jokes, but still talk about the important things. Jaden was upset because he didn't get one of the blue bracelets. I told him he could wear mine since I wouldn't be able to wear it during the surgery. He had lots of questions. He tried to play the strong boy, but I knew he was worried.
After dinner, Jeremy and I headed over to Howard's Jewelry to see if they might be willing to donate something for the fundraiser. We had a nice chat with a few of the women and then kinda ran out of there when we realized what time it was. It was insanely windy as we went back to the car. I was getting ready to pull a Mary Poppins. It was some crazy stuff.
We drove to Cassidy to see Mike and Trin off. I'm really going to miss them. They're such a wonderful couple and total assets to the local theatre scene. I was also able to see some other theatre people I haven't seen in a while. That was really nice. Having to take a break from everything lately has been KILLING me...at least this way I was still able to hang out with some of the people I love so much from the theatre. It was really amusing to see all the kids trying to dance. How awesome to be little and have NO inhibitions. They were just having the best time. After that, we met up with most of them at the Blue Moose. We didn't stay too long, but they had us laughing the entire time.
Jeremy and I left to look for a place to have a "real" dinner, and ended up at Applebees. I don't know if you'd call that a real dinner or not, but my salad was delicious. We tried not to stay out too late, so that I could make sure I was still going to get home in one piece. I ended up being very tired on the way home, but I made it alright. Michael sent me a text to thank us for coming and seeing them off. I'm going to miss those guys.
I've decided to add the links for the service as well as my song and verse for the day. Hope you get as much out of it as I did!
(Part one) http://www.youtube.com/user/PainesvilleNaz#p/a/u/0/bz1NCLN9B-M
(Part two) http://www.youtube.com/user/PainesvilleNaz#p/a/u/1/xn94Y6olUvU
(Part three) http://www.youtube.com/user/PainesvilleNaz#p/a/u/2/w9xfHSn4rG4
(Part four) http://www.youtube.com/user/PainesvilleNaz#p/u/3/9w_r0kAFEi4
Song of the Day: Manifesto http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_6JQDsbtlM
Verse of the Day: 1 Corinthians 15:57
But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Day Eighteen with Cancer
Day Eighteen with Cancer:
Jason and I went to First Merit to open an account this morning. It took a little while, but was painless since I was with one of my favorite people in the entire world. Jason gave me blue bracelets from the Colon Cancer Alliance, so mom, dad and I can wear them. Pretty soon, we were all set up with the Allison M. Lehr Benevolent Fund. It was nice feeling like so much was done and it was still so early in the morning. We went home and I made us some coffee while we had a mini meeting to discuss what we wanted to accomplish with our fundraiser and what was going to be necessarry to do that. We made a pretty significant list of people we needed to contact for the raffle/auction and our ideas for the venue. Jay had to leave pretty quickly. Syd was staying with Sarah and he needed to get home.
After he left, I headed out toward Mentor to see what I could find out about getting a donation from Barnes and Noble. Mary was very helpful and Hannah was just getting out, so we ended up sitting in the cafe for quite a while just chatting. It was really nice. It's not very often that I just get to hang out with my Christian girlfriends. The talks are always inspiring to me.
I stayed longer than I should have, but headed out and started driving to Jeremy's. Once we got there, we changed really quickly and then headed out. We were going to go to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner, but by the time we got there, parked, walked in the rain for a while, and got in...there was a HUGE line. We then went to Brio...same story. SO, we ended up having a very romantic drive through snack at Wendy's and heading to the theatre a little early.
We went to watch Drowsy. Yes, it was my second time, but that had sort of been our plan all along. This time we were dressed up (kinda matchy) and it was more like a "date". It was so enjoyable watching Amiee, Trey, Travis and Debbie. I love them. We ended up going out with everyone afterward to have some REAL food. I had a blackened chicken wrap. It was super good. It's been a while since something has just tasted REALLY good. Jeremy got a HALF OF A CHICKEN. I don't know what that boy is thinking sometimes. We had a really nice time catching up with friends and meeting all kinds of new ones. It really was a lovely night.
I finally dropped Jeremy off and then headed home after a long and exhausting, but very nice day.
As soon I was home and my head hit the pillow, I was out.
Four days to surgery.
Song of the Day: Hold On-Abandon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXr8-D8rJ6c
Verse of the Day: Proverbs 3:5-6
Jason and I went to First Merit to open an account this morning. It took a little while, but was painless since I was with one of my favorite people in the entire world. Jason gave me blue bracelets from the Colon Cancer Alliance, so mom, dad and I can wear them. Pretty soon, we were all set up with the Allison M. Lehr Benevolent Fund. It was nice feeling like so much was done and it was still so early in the morning. We went home and I made us some coffee while we had a mini meeting to discuss what we wanted to accomplish with our fundraiser and what was going to be necessarry to do that. We made a pretty significant list of people we needed to contact for the raffle/auction and our ideas for the venue. Jay had to leave pretty quickly. Syd was staying with Sarah and he needed to get home.
After he left, I headed out toward Mentor to see what I could find out about getting a donation from Barnes and Noble. Mary was very helpful and Hannah was just getting out, so we ended up sitting in the cafe for quite a while just chatting. It was really nice. It's not very often that I just get to hang out with my Christian girlfriends. The talks are always inspiring to me.
I stayed longer than I should have, but headed out and started driving to Jeremy's. Once we got there, we changed really quickly and then headed out. We were going to go to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner, but by the time we got there, parked, walked in the rain for a while, and got in...there was a HUGE line. We then went to Brio...same story. SO, we ended up having a very romantic drive through snack at Wendy's and heading to the theatre a little early.
We went to watch Drowsy. Yes, it was my second time, but that had sort of been our plan all along. This time we were dressed up (kinda matchy) and it was more like a "date". It was so enjoyable watching Amiee, Trey, Travis and Debbie. I love them. We ended up going out with everyone afterward to have some REAL food. I had a blackened chicken wrap. It was super good. It's been a while since something has just tasted REALLY good. Jeremy got a HALF OF A CHICKEN. I don't know what that boy is thinking sometimes. We had a really nice time catching up with friends and meeting all kinds of new ones. It really was a lovely night.
I finally dropped Jeremy off and then headed home after a long and exhausting, but very nice day.
As soon I was home and my head hit the pillow, I was out.
Four days to surgery.
Song of the Day: Hold On-Abandon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXr8-D8rJ6c
Verse of the Day: Proverbs 3:5-6
Friday, May 13, 2011
Day Seventeen with Cancer
Day Seventeen with Cancer:
The countdown to surgery has begun. I have five days until I'll be in the hospital. Most of the time it really doesn't bother me, but then there are those sudden moments of anxiety when I think, "Wow. I REALLY don't want to do this." I had one of those last night. It didn't last long, but the severity of the situation suddenly occurred to me. I know it's going to be fine, but I started thinking about the amount of pain I'm going to experience. When I went in for my lung surgery, I defied the pain initially. I didn't care how much it hurt, I wasn't going to stay in that bed and let the nurses do everything for me. I tried to get up and go to the bathroom, but when I stood up I almost vomited. That was in my chest. This is going to be in my abdomen. It's going to hurt much more just trying to sit up, let alone walk. That scares me a little. I hate the thought that the littlest things are going to be a huge effort. Getting up to go to the bathroom is going to be a major event. That sucks. Oh well. It has to be done. I'll do it and I'll do it well.
Today I went into work early. Shiloh was catching a flight to California so she could be with her family. Her brother just got back from Afghanistan. I'm glad she was able to do that. She won't get back until some time on Wednesday. She said she'll come and see me in the hospital when she gets back.
The toddlers made me want to pull out all my hair today. I have such a hard time dealing with the constant screaming, the hitting, the food smeared all over the tables...everything. I swear I visited Andrea in the office 5 times. It helped to take the kids on walks. It seemed to keep them distracted. We worked on making Pastor Terry a birthday card. The kids were so excited while I was painting their hands. We read a few books and then I pulled them in the wagon around the big square part of the building about 6 times. Afer the 6th time, I asked if they were ready to go back into the classroom and Antonio jumped out of the wagon, grabbed the handle and said, "Your turn!" I told him that it probably wouldn't be a good idea if I got in, but he could pull Destiny. I was completely surprised at his strength and driving ability. I didn't think he'd make it around once, but when we got back to our starting point, he was ready to keep going. That boy made it around the church 5 whole times before his mother got there. He was having a blast. He actually ended up crying really hard when his mom picked him up because he was having so much fun. I guess that's a good thing.
I went to Target after work and tried to print some pictures from my phone, but for some reason, the phone couldn't find the Kodak kiosk from Bluetooth. I don't know why. Of course, I didn't find that out until I stood in line for 25 minutes beforehand. I figured all that frustration was at least worthy of a Mocha Lite Frappucinno, so I grabbed one on the way out and headed home.
There was a padded envelope from the Cleveland Clinic waiting for me once I got home. I was sort of afraid to open it. It turned out to be the image cd's of my CTs that I left with them when I met my surgeon. Unfortunately, they didn't let me know if they found anything. I may have to call about that. I'd really like to know if they were able to find anything. I figure if it takes 2-5 years for a polyp to develop into cancer, it was there during my last couple of CTs. I wonder if Dr. Atreja would tell me.
I suppose I should get to bed. Jason and I are going to the bank tomorrow to open up an account. Eventually people will be able to donate and put money directly into the account through a website or paypal. Jenny and Jason have already put links on their Facebook accounts to the Pampered Chef fundraiser on the 26th. I'm hoping that we'll also be able to get some details for the other fundraiser ironed out tomorrow. Things are looking good so far, but I'm going to have to do some delegating.
Day Seventeen: Uplifting
Song of the Day: While I'm Waiting
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb7TSGptd3Y
Verse of the Day:
Psalm 29:11 The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.
The countdown to surgery has begun. I have five days until I'll be in the hospital. Most of the time it really doesn't bother me, but then there are those sudden moments of anxiety when I think, "Wow. I REALLY don't want to do this." I had one of those last night. It didn't last long, but the severity of the situation suddenly occurred to me. I know it's going to be fine, but I started thinking about the amount of pain I'm going to experience. When I went in for my lung surgery, I defied the pain initially. I didn't care how much it hurt, I wasn't going to stay in that bed and let the nurses do everything for me. I tried to get up and go to the bathroom, but when I stood up I almost vomited. That was in my chest. This is going to be in my abdomen. It's going to hurt much more just trying to sit up, let alone walk. That scares me a little. I hate the thought that the littlest things are going to be a huge effort. Getting up to go to the bathroom is going to be a major event. That sucks. Oh well. It has to be done. I'll do it and I'll do it well.
Today I went into work early. Shiloh was catching a flight to California so she could be with her family. Her brother just got back from Afghanistan. I'm glad she was able to do that. She won't get back until some time on Wednesday. She said she'll come and see me in the hospital when she gets back.
The toddlers made me want to pull out all my hair today. I have such a hard time dealing with the constant screaming, the hitting, the food smeared all over the tables...everything. I swear I visited Andrea in the office 5 times. It helped to take the kids on walks. It seemed to keep them distracted. We worked on making Pastor Terry a birthday card. The kids were so excited while I was painting their hands. We read a few books and then I pulled them in the wagon around the big square part of the building about 6 times. Afer the 6th time, I asked if they were ready to go back into the classroom and Antonio jumped out of the wagon, grabbed the handle and said, "Your turn!" I told him that it probably wouldn't be a good idea if I got in, but he could pull Destiny. I was completely surprised at his strength and driving ability. I didn't think he'd make it around once, but when we got back to our starting point, he was ready to keep going. That boy made it around the church 5 whole times before his mother got there. He was having a blast. He actually ended up crying really hard when his mom picked him up because he was having so much fun. I guess that's a good thing.
I went to Target after work and tried to print some pictures from my phone, but for some reason, the phone couldn't find the Kodak kiosk from Bluetooth. I don't know why. Of course, I didn't find that out until I stood in line for 25 minutes beforehand. I figured all that frustration was at least worthy of a Mocha Lite Frappucinno, so I grabbed one on the way out and headed home.
There was a padded envelope from the Cleveland Clinic waiting for me once I got home. I was sort of afraid to open it. It turned out to be the image cd's of my CTs that I left with them when I met my surgeon. Unfortunately, they didn't let me know if they found anything. I may have to call about that. I'd really like to know if they were able to find anything. I figure if it takes 2-5 years for a polyp to develop into cancer, it was there during my last couple of CTs. I wonder if Dr. Atreja would tell me.
I suppose I should get to bed. Jason and I are going to the bank tomorrow to open up an account. Eventually people will be able to donate and put money directly into the account through a website or paypal. Jenny and Jason have already put links on their Facebook accounts to the Pampered Chef fundraiser on the 26th. I'm hoping that we'll also be able to get some details for the other fundraiser ironed out tomorrow. Things are looking good so far, but I'm going to have to do some delegating.
Day Seventeen: Uplifting
Song of the Day: While I'm Waiting
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb7TSGptd3Y
Verse of the Day:
Psalm 29:11 The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.
Day Sixteen with Cancer
Day Sixteen with Cancer:
Today has been a pretty nice day so far. Yes, I had to wake up at 5:30, but it wasn't bad. I got to work and there weren't even any kids! 7 o'clock with three teachers, a secretary and no kids? That never happens! Before long we were over ratio, so that quiet didn't last long. I was supposed to be with the 4s and 5s, but Kelly offered to switch with me. I was able to be with my 3s for the first time in a month or so. It feels like it's been forever!
They were just as excited as I was. I was all teary-eyed at the amount of love and concern they showed. I took Sam, Robert and Mariyah to the bathrooms and Robert wrapped his little arms around my neck, put his face in my neck and whispered, "You came back!" It took everything in me to keep it together. I hate knowing how abandoned the kids feel when things change from the "norm". Mariyah came out of the bathroom and asked if the dr. made me better. I love how innocent they are. If I look ok and I'm still working, I must not be sick. When you're sick, you don't come to school. I explained that I was ok, but I was going to see the dr. next week and he'd make me all better but I'd have to stay with him for a while, so I wouldn't be at school for a little while. I wish we all still had that innocence...and I guess ignorance. I obviously don't mean that in a bad way. It's just that they (in most cases) haven't quite learned how bad the world can be. Sadly, there are many of them that experience that "badness" firsthand even then.
After that, I spent a couple of hours with the 4s and 5s. I read from my Nook to the kids. They were very excited. When Sarah (the teacher) came back, I was able to take a break. I headed to Sarah's (my sister) house for the first time in weeks. I tried to take a nap, but it wasn't really working out very well. I came back to work in the office and it went by fairly quickly. I spoke with the case worker for the Hope Lodge. I'm hoping that a spot will become available so that at least my family can stay there. There were crazy storm warnings all afternoon. We rushed to get everything done so that MAYBE we'd get to our cars before the storm hit, but I ended up getting outside JUST as the rain started POURING down. I couldn't stop laughing as I ran to the car. I was completely drenched with rain dripping off of my nose and my dress clothes soaked through. My wipers really aren't that fast, so I wasn't able to see well AT ALL while I was driving. As I finally made it back toward Geneva, the rain subsided and the fresh smell of rain on warm pavement filled my car even though my windows were up. I absolutely love that smell, so I drove the rest of the way home with the windows down. Right before I pulled into the driveway I actually said out loud, "I hope that the binders came today. That would totally make my day!" I got in the house, took off my shoes and saw a HUGE box. I was SO excited. It's like Christmas or my birthday. I couldn't wait to get upstairs to open it and go through everything. I took a few pictures of the stuff so that I could add them in it when they're developed. Hopefully, with this, I'll be able to have a photo documentation of all the stuff that goes on during this whole process.
Day Sixteen: Friggin Awesome
Song of the Day: Miracle of the Moment
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rResKXjKqjQ
Verse of the Day: Psalm 113:2
Let the name of the LORD be praised, both now and forevermore.
Today has been a pretty nice day so far. Yes, I had to wake up at 5:30, but it wasn't bad. I got to work and there weren't even any kids! 7 o'clock with three teachers, a secretary and no kids? That never happens! Before long we were over ratio, so that quiet didn't last long. I was supposed to be with the 4s and 5s, but Kelly offered to switch with me. I was able to be with my 3s for the first time in a month or so. It feels like it's been forever!
They were just as excited as I was. I was all teary-eyed at the amount of love and concern they showed. I took Sam, Robert and Mariyah to the bathrooms and Robert wrapped his little arms around my neck, put his face in my neck and whispered, "You came back!" It took everything in me to keep it together. I hate knowing how abandoned the kids feel when things change from the "norm". Mariyah came out of the bathroom and asked if the dr. made me better. I love how innocent they are. If I look ok and I'm still working, I must not be sick. When you're sick, you don't come to school. I explained that I was ok, but I was going to see the dr. next week and he'd make me all better but I'd have to stay with him for a while, so I wouldn't be at school for a little while. I wish we all still had that innocence...and I guess ignorance. I obviously don't mean that in a bad way. It's just that they (in most cases) haven't quite learned how bad the world can be. Sadly, there are many of them that experience that "badness" firsthand even then.
After that, I spent a couple of hours with the 4s and 5s. I read from my Nook to the kids. They were very excited. When Sarah (the teacher) came back, I was able to take a break. I headed to Sarah's (my sister) house for the first time in weeks. I tried to take a nap, but it wasn't really working out very well. I came back to work in the office and it went by fairly quickly. I spoke with the case worker for the Hope Lodge. I'm hoping that a spot will become available so that at least my family can stay there. There were crazy storm warnings all afternoon. We rushed to get everything done so that MAYBE we'd get to our cars before the storm hit, but I ended up getting outside JUST as the rain started POURING down. I couldn't stop laughing as I ran to the car. I was completely drenched with rain dripping off of my nose and my dress clothes soaked through. My wipers really aren't that fast, so I wasn't able to see well AT ALL while I was driving. As I finally made it back toward Geneva, the rain subsided and the fresh smell of rain on warm pavement filled my car even though my windows were up. I absolutely love that smell, so I drove the rest of the way home with the windows down. Right before I pulled into the driveway I actually said out loud, "I hope that the binders came today. That would totally make my day!" I got in the house, took off my shoes and saw a HUGE box. I was SO excited. It's like Christmas or my birthday. I couldn't wait to get upstairs to open it and go through everything. I took a few pictures of the stuff so that I could add them in it when they're developed. Hopefully, with this, I'll be able to have a photo documentation of all the stuff that goes on during this whole process.
Day Sixteen: Friggin Awesome
Song of the Day: Miracle of the Moment
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rResKXjKqjQ
Verse of the Day: Psalm 113:2
Let the name of the LORD be praised, both now and forevermore.
Day Fifteen with Cancer
Day Fifteen with Cancer:
I don't have a lot to report for today...My first text this morning was from Amiee Collier. She asked if I wanted to be her special guest to the Drowsy preview the following night. She said she imagined that money must be tight right now. What a sweet thing. I told her I'd be there. How awesome to get a special invite from the most talented woman in the cast!
I went to work and was able to get a good amount accomplished today. I finished all of the flyers that we were sending out and still managed to type memos to teachers and parents, put them in boxes, do some shredding, watch kids AND keep up with Twitter.
The one thing that happened at work that I HAVE to record in here is a conversation I had with one of our school agers. This girl has called me her cousin ever since she found out that I went to college with her cousin and grew up with her cousin's husband. Anyway, she came up to me as I was working in the office. I asked her how her day was and what happened at school. She then looked at me like there was something weighing on her mind and reluctantly said, "Can I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure babe, what's up?" She asked very matter of factly, "Do you have cancer?" I really wasn't expecting that specific question. It took me a minute to think of how to respond appropriately. I finally decided to tell her the truth. I said, "Yes. It's ok though. I'm going to go to the hospital next week and they're going to take it out. I won't be in school for a week or so, but I should be back really soon." She came and gave me a hug and told me she hoped I felt better. I reassured her that I was ok and that there was nothing to worry about. I also asked her not to tell the other kids just in case their parents hadn't told them I was "sick". She is such a sweet girl. I love how big her heart is.
When I got home, mom and dad were over at John and Anne Marie's and I joined them. Courtney, Nick and Theresa were over as well. We chatted about how good I looked for being so tired, my love for getting free things online, vitamins, and Courtney's prom last weekend. Her pictures were beautiful.
I had some dinner and watched The Event with the family. We got to see the very tail end of Jeopardy where Helen Keller was the final question. It was hilarious. Mom and I were going to watch Glee, but dad decided that he was watching what HE wanted. Seems like all the men in our lives are that way. Surprise.
Guess that's it.
Song of the Day: Strong Enough-Matthew West
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBJwA0I8P-4
Verse of the Day: Psalms 119:28 My soul is weary with sorrow: strengthen me according to your word.
I don't have a lot to report for today...My first text this morning was from Amiee Collier. She asked if I wanted to be her special guest to the Drowsy preview the following night. She said she imagined that money must be tight right now. What a sweet thing. I told her I'd be there. How awesome to get a special invite from the most talented woman in the cast!
I went to work and was able to get a good amount accomplished today. I finished all of the flyers that we were sending out and still managed to type memos to teachers and parents, put them in boxes, do some shredding, watch kids AND keep up with Twitter.
The one thing that happened at work that I HAVE to record in here is a conversation I had with one of our school agers. This girl has called me her cousin ever since she found out that I went to college with her cousin and grew up with her cousin's husband. Anyway, she came up to me as I was working in the office. I asked her how her day was and what happened at school. She then looked at me like there was something weighing on her mind and reluctantly said, "Can I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure babe, what's up?" She asked very matter of factly, "Do you have cancer?" I really wasn't expecting that specific question. It took me a minute to think of how to respond appropriately. I finally decided to tell her the truth. I said, "Yes. It's ok though. I'm going to go to the hospital next week and they're going to take it out. I won't be in school for a week or so, but I should be back really soon." She came and gave me a hug and told me she hoped I felt better. I reassured her that I was ok and that there was nothing to worry about. I also asked her not to tell the other kids just in case their parents hadn't told them I was "sick". She is such a sweet girl. I love how big her heart is.
When I got home, mom and dad were over at John and Anne Marie's and I joined them. Courtney, Nick and Theresa were over as well. We chatted about how good I looked for being so tired, my love for getting free things online, vitamins, and Courtney's prom last weekend. Her pictures were beautiful.
I had some dinner and watched The Event with the family. We got to see the very tail end of Jeopardy where Helen Keller was the final question. It was hilarious. Mom and I were going to watch Glee, but dad decided that he was watching what HE wanted. Seems like all the men in our lives are that way. Surprise.
Guess that's it.
Song of the Day: Strong Enough-Matthew West
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBJwA0I8P-4
Verse of the Day: Psalms 119:28 My soul is weary with sorrow: strengthen me according to your word.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Day Fourteen with Cancer
Day Fourteen with cancer:
I've officially reached the two week mark since my diagnosis. Even though those first couple of days seemed to last an eternity, it doesn't seem like it could have been two weeks already.
I'm thinking about doing a serious detox. In this case it would mean ridding myself of toxic people. I'm finding myself far less able to deal with drama than I used to be. It used to be tiring, but right now it's just down right exasperating. I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today was fairly productive. I was able to work on some laundry as I got ready for work. I headed out early so that I could make a couple of stops. I stopped at Giant Eagle to pick up some Barnes and Noble gift cards and then went to Barnes and Noble to buy myself a present. I decided yesterday that I was going to buy a Nook Color. Yes, it's an impulse purchase...Yes, it's a LARGE impulse purchase, but I received a rather large tax return and I'd rather not cart a ton of books to the hospital with me. After I made my purchase, I had a rather entertaining time with the gentleman who was helping me with the setup...Adam, I believe. I grabbed an ice tea lemonade on the way out, and headed to work.
When I arrived at work, there were signs on all of the doors for a Pampered Chef party that will be held on the 26th of this month on my behalf. That meant a lot to me. Stephanie also told me that the school/church are working on scheduling a Chik-fil-A night for me. It's amazing to see people rallying together for me. It's not like there was a giant natural disaster and lots of people were affected. It's just me. I was able to get in touch with a couple more people for the fundraiser that Jay and I are planning. We also have to get together at the bank to open a special account. I really hope this goes as well as it is playing out in my head. It could be a really fun evening.
I went to my room and got on the phone...one good convo, one bad. Not sure what to do about the bad. It seems never ending. I cannot deal with it now. When and if I'll ever be able to is still uncertain. I was, however, able to speak with a friend I haven't spoken with in a very long time. We had a slight falling out several years ago and I called after my diagnosis to just make sure everything was good between us. He is a busy politician, so it sometimes takes him a while to get back. When he called a couple of days later, I was unavailable. He called again tonight and it was the first time I've heard his voice in what seems like ages. It was so nice. We got to laughing and reminiscing and I finally asked, "When did we get old?" He replied, "I think it was when we closed our eyes." How true. We close our eyes and our lives slip away. He had me tearing up during the whole conversation. He kept telling me about all that he admired in me and kept saying things like, "You're radiant!" It was all too much. It meant a lot to me that someone thought so highly of me and was able to express it.
Now it's that time again...time to close my eyes. Tomorrow I'll be older. I felt older when I opened my eyes today. I'm hoping there's not much difference tomorrow morning. I can only take so many burdens at once. If it doesn't let up a little, I'm going to age a LOT while my eyes are closed this time. Today it just seems like the sorrow of situations is really getting to me. Well, I guess that leads to my verse of the day...
Verse of the Day: Psalm 30:5
...Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.
Song of the Day: Still
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1DqiNr1htM
I've officially reached the two week mark since my diagnosis. Even though those first couple of days seemed to last an eternity, it doesn't seem like it could have been two weeks already.
I'm thinking about doing a serious detox. In this case it would mean ridding myself of toxic people. I'm finding myself far less able to deal with drama than I used to be. It used to be tiring, but right now it's just down right exasperating. I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today was fairly productive. I was able to work on some laundry as I got ready for work. I headed out early so that I could make a couple of stops. I stopped at Giant Eagle to pick up some Barnes and Noble gift cards and then went to Barnes and Noble to buy myself a present. I decided yesterday that I was going to buy a Nook Color. Yes, it's an impulse purchase...Yes, it's a LARGE impulse purchase, but I received a rather large tax return and I'd rather not cart a ton of books to the hospital with me. After I made my purchase, I had a rather entertaining time with the gentleman who was helping me with the setup...Adam, I believe. I grabbed an ice tea lemonade on the way out, and headed to work.
When I arrived at work, there were signs on all of the doors for a Pampered Chef party that will be held on the 26th of this month on my behalf. That meant a lot to me. Stephanie also told me that the school/church are working on scheduling a Chik-fil-A night for me. It's amazing to see people rallying together for me. It's not like there was a giant natural disaster and lots of people were affected. It's just me. I was able to get in touch with a couple more people for the fundraiser that Jay and I are planning. We also have to get together at the bank to open a special account. I really hope this goes as well as it is playing out in my head. It could be a really fun evening.
I went to my room and got on the phone...one good convo, one bad. Not sure what to do about the bad. It seems never ending. I cannot deal with it now. When and if I'll ever be able to is still uncertain. I was, however, able to speak with a friend I haven't spoken with in a very long time. We had a slight falling out several years ago and I called after my diagnosis to just make sure everything was good between us. He is a busy politician, so it sometimes takes him a while to get back. When he called a couple of days later, I was unavailable. He called again tonight and it was the first time I've heard his voice in what seems like ages. It was so nice. We got to laughing and reminiscing and I finally asked, "When did we get old?" He replied, "I think it was when we closed our eyes." How true. We close our eyes and our lives slip away. He had me tearing up during the whole conversation. He kept telling me about all that he admired in me and kept saying things like, "You're radiant!" It was all too much. It meant a lot to me that someone thought so highly of me and was able to express it.
Now it's that time again...time to close my eyes. Tomorrow I'll be older. I felt older when I opened my eyes today. I'm hoping there's not much difference tomorrow morning. I can only take so many burdens at once. If it doesn't let up a little, I'm going to age a LOT while my eyes are closed this time. Today it just seems like the sorrow of situations is really getting to me. Well, I guess that leads to my verse of the day...
Verse of the Day: Psalm 30:5
...Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.
Song of the Day: Still
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1DqiNr1htM
Day Thirteen with Cancer
Day Thirteen with Cancer:
Happy Mother's Day!
It has become increasingly difficult to wake up in the morning. When I was finally able to, I got ready to go to church. Mom and I were able to drive together since she wasn't working and I didn't have plans with Jeremy. I love how when mom and I drive anywhere together, we always hold hands. She's my best friend. Church was so great today. Pastor was preaching on victory. It was awesome because I had JUST spoken to my mom in the car about how even if God didn't choose to heal me, that doesn't mean I wouldn't be healed...it just wouldn't be an earthly healing...and that's still ok. He's a God of healing. Sometimes it just doesn't come in the way that PEOPLE want it. Pastor was talking about how regardless of the circumstances, we have the victory. Christians and non christians deal with the same situations...cancer, job loss, financial difficulty, marital issues, etc., but the difference is that as Christians, we don't have to deal with those issues alone. We know that regardless of what we're dealing with, we have the Lord holding our hand. He will never leave us or forsake us! It must be hard feeling so alone and trying to deal with scary circumstances by yourself. Praise Jesus that He's taken my burden! We had a communion service and afterward I spoke with Pastor about getting anointed next week. He said, "Yeah, that's biblical, too!" I love seeing him get excited! It's just a cool thing. I spoke with a woman at church who is in the Oncology department at UH. She was very helpful and told me to come to her if I ever had any questions.
After service, Mom, Sarah, Jeff, the boys and I all went to Steak and Shake. Not the place I'd think of to take mom for Mother's Day, but there wasn't anyone there. The boys kept me laughing the whole time. At one point Jaden said out of the blue, "Did you know our blood is really blue? It just comes out red." He's such a goof. They both mean so much to me.
Mom and I stopped and met Dad at Grandma's place for a bit. She had to show me her new outfit that she wore during the fashion show the day before. It was funny hearing her tell the story of how people were whistling and telling her how good she looked. Awesome and disturbing.
Once we came home, I went ahead and wrapped the present for Jenny that Jason had delivered to our house and then I met my parents on the deck. Dad had started a fire. I laid on the reclining patio chair with a quilt and just sat there with my eyes closed. It was so nice to feel the sun on my face. In the next several minutes there were so many sensations that I kept going over them in my head so I wouldn't forget those moments. The sun was bright and warm. The wind was chilly and blew the scent of the burning wood in my direction. Aside from the sound of the breeze, there were children laughing, a dog barking far away, the clinking of a nearby flagpole, far off wind chimes and the crackling of the wood. It was a perfect moment. I could have stayed there forever. I dozed off a little bit and after a few minutes Jason and Jenny were there. We had a great time watching Sydney discover all kinds of new things. She's seriously so brilliant. We had dinner at the diner on the corner and I told Jason of my fundraising ideas. Apparently he and Jenny had been discussing doing something like that, so we ended up doing a little brainstorming together. It was really great to have someone to get excited with me.
When I came home, I was able to contact a few people that I wanted to make sure were involved in the fundraiser. I got some positive responses. I ended up sending Joey Miskulin an email. I'm really hoping that he would consider coming. I know he's a star, but he's also a super sweet man...maybe he'd be sympathetic. Not to mention Riders In the Sky will already be in Ohio at that time. I'm praying for it. I stayed up longer than I wanted to, but I am really proud at how much I was able to accomplish. Let's hope I can do as much or more tomorrow!
Day Thirteen:Victorious
Song of the Day: Victory In Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPyxzw1uVKQ
Verse of the Day: Exodus 15:2
The LORD is my strength and my song; he has given me victory. This is my God, and I will praise him--my father's God, and I will exalt him!
Happy Mother's Day!
It has become increasingly difficult to wake up in the morning. When I was finally able to, I got ready to go to church. Mom and I were able to drive together since she wasn't working and I didn't have plans with Jeremy. I love how when mom and I drive anywhere together, we always hold hands. She's my best friend. Church was so great today. Pastor was preaching on victory. It was awesome because I had JUST spoken to my mom in the car about how even if God didn't choose to heal me, that doesn't mean I wouldn't be healed...it just wouldn't be an earthly healing...and that's still ok. He's a God of healing. Sometimes it just doesn't come in the way that PEOPLE want it. Pastor was talking about how regardless of the circumstances, we have the victory. Christians and non christians deal with the same situations...cancer, job loss, financial difficulty, marital issues, etc., but the difference is that as Christians, we don't have to deal with those issues alone. We know that regardless of what we're dealing with, we have the Lord holding our hand. He will never leave us or forsake us! It must be hard feeling so alone and trying to deal with scary circumstances by yourself. Praise Jesus that He's taken my burden! We had a communion service and afterward I spoke with Pastor about getting anointed next week. He said, "Yeah, that's biblical, too!" I love seeing him get excited! It's just a cool thing. I spoke with a woman at church who is in the Oncology department at UH. She was very helpful and told me to come to her if I ever had any questions.
After service, Mom, Sarah, Jeff, the boys and I all went to Steak and Shake. Not the place I'd think of to take mom for Mother's Day, but there wasn't anyone there. The boys kept me laughing the whole time. At one point Jaden said out of the blue, "Did you know our blood is really blue? It just comes out red." He's such a goof. They both mean so much to me.
Mom and I stopped and met Dad at Grandma's place for a bit. She had to show me her new outfit that she wore during the fashion show the day before. It was funny hearing her tell the story of how people were whistling and telling her how good she looked. Awesome and disturbing.
Once we came home, I went ahead and wrapped the present for Jenny that Jason had delivered to our house and then I met my parents on the deck. Dad had started a fire. I laid on the reclining patio chair with a quilt and just sat there with my eyes closed. It was so nice to feel the sun on my face. In the next several minutes there were so many sensations that I kept going over them in my head so I wouldn't forget those moments. The sun was bright and warm. The wind was chilly and blew the scent of the burning wood in my direction. Aside from the sound of the breeze, there were children laughing, a dog barking far away, the clinking of a nearby flagpole, far off wind chimes and the crackling of the wood. It was a perfect moment. I could have stayed there forever. I dozed off a little bit and after a few minutes Jason and Jenny were there. We had a great time watching Sydney discover all kinds of new things. She's seriously so brilliant. We had dinner at the diner on the corner and I told Jason of my fundraising ideas. Apparently he and Jenny had been discussing doing something like that, so we ended up doing a little brainstorming together. It was really great to have someone to get excited with me.
When I came home, I was able to contact a few people that I wanted to make sure were involved in the fundraiser. I got some positive responses. I ended up sending Joey Miskulin an email. I'm really hoping that he would consider coming. I know he's a star, but he's also a super sweet man...maybe he'd be sympathetic. Not to mention Riders In the Sky will already be in Ohio at that time. I'm praying for it. I stayed up longer than I wanted to, but I am really proud at how much I was able to accomplish. Let's hope I can do as much or more tomorrow!
Day Thirteen:Victorious
Song of the Day: Victory In Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPyxzw1uVKQ
Verse of the Day: Exodus 15:2
The LORD is my strength and my song; he has given me victory. This is my God, and I will praise him--my father's God, and I will exalt him!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Day Twelve with Cancer
Happy Saturday!
This morning was lovely, as I was able to sleep in. When I chose to wake up, I got ready for the day and prepared to drive to North Royalton to see Jeremy. It makes it harder not being able to meet halfway, but since his car is dead I had no idea when we might be able to see each other next. I hit up Rite Aid and then was on my way.
Chris and Tara were going to a wedding, so we dropped Chris off and were able to take the car. Before I go any further, I want to say what an amazing boyfriend I have. He indulges most every whim of mine. I had decided that I wanted Chipotle, so that's where we were headed for lunch, no questions asked. Ok...there was ONE question. It was, "Are you sure you don't want Cracker Barrel?" I'm pretty sure he was kidding though, since we had eaten that just a few days prior. Anyway, we had some delicious Chipotle for lunch and he kept me laughing the whole time. I think the best part was when a song came on that he really enjoyed and he decided that he wanted to break dance in the restaurant. I tried to convince him that would be disgusting considering the floors were awful. Blegh.
We headed out to Amherst after that to pick his brother up from work. Rob grabbed us a couple of drinks and kept us highly entertained the entire way back to Elyria. Apparently we have far more similar tastes than I would have guessed. We seem to get along rather well. After deliberating for quite a while on what we were going to do for the rest of the evening, we decided on snacks and a couple of movies from the Red Box. We then headed toward Wal Mart and picked up some Magnum bars, chips and hummus. I was explaining that I need to start eating better after the surgery and told the boys how one book recommended a wheat grass chaser after meals. Rob said, "Wheatgrass? Oh yeah, I've had that. It tastes like someone put fresh lawn clippings in my mouth." On the way back in, there was an awkward slug mating incident and then we chatted for so long that we didn't start the movie for another couple of hours. We ended up watching the Green Hornet. It was so terrible. I'm thankful that we didn't watch it at the theatre. It would have been a total waste. It suddenly occurred to me in the middle of the movie that I wasn't thinking about everything that has been going on. For 5 whole minutes I was just a normal girl, sitting with her normal boyfriend, watching a terrible movie on a Saturday night. It was perfect. It actually made me kind of emotional.
We headed out when the movie was over, since Jeremy still had to take me back to my car. We sat and talked for a little bit. I was having feelings of guilt over the fact that it bothers me that I'm going to have scarring all over my abdomen. I shouldn't be thinking about that. I should just be thankful that I won't have to have my entire colon removed. I should be thankful that I may not have to have chemo. For some reason, I keep thinking about all the scars I'm going to have and how it makes me feel like less of a woman. Isn't that stupid? I'm fighting a terrible, life-threatening disease and I'm concerned about 7 or 8 scars on my body. Thankfully, Jeremy came to my rescue again. He reminded me that it's not STUPID to have these feelings and that no matter what the outcome, he's always going to think I'm beautiful. Now, that may not have exactly made me feel better, but it certainly was nice to hear. He's going to help me to stay strong. As we headed back to my car, we saw a sign that said "Hot Abes in Bikinis". I couldn't help but laugh. All I could think of was a 6'2" man with a beard and a stovepipe hat in a bikini...fighting vampires. Yes, I just read Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Don't judge. It was a really good book. Anyway...it made me giggle. If that imagery doesn't make you giggle, you have a serious problem. I started falling asleep on the last 20 minutes of the drive home, but somehow I was able to make it. The Lord obviously wants me here for some reason!
Day Twelve: What cancer?
Song of the Day: Yet I Will Praise
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vEjt280PDo
Verse of the Day: John 9:3
"It was not because of his sins or his parents' sins," Jesus answered. "This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.
This morning was lovely, as I was able to sleep in. When I chose to wake up, I got ready for the day and prepared to drive to North Royalton to see Jeremy. It makes it harder not being able to meet halfway, but since his car is dead I had no idea when we might be able to see each other next. I hit up Rite Aid and then was on my way.
Chris and Tara were going to a wedding, so we dropped Chris off and were able to take the car. Before I go any further, I want to say what an amazing boyfriend I have. He indulges most every whim of mine. I had decided that I wanted Chipotle, so that's where we were headed for lunch, no questions asked. Ok...there was ONE question. It was, "Are you sure you don't want Cracker Barrel?" I'm pretty sure he was kidding though, since we had eaten that just a few days prior. Anyway, we had some delicious Chipotle for lunch and he kept me laughing the whole time. I think the best part was when a song came on that he really enjoyed and he decided that he wanted to break dance in the restaurant. I tried to convince him that would be disgusting considering the floors were awful. Blegh.
We headed out to Amherst after that to pick his brother up from work. Rob grabbed us a couple of drinks and kept us highly entertained the entire way back to Elyria. Apparently we have far more similar tastes than I would have guessed. We seem to get along rather well. After deliberating for quite a while on what we were going to do for the rest of the evening, we decided on snacks and a couple of movies from the Red Box. We then headed toward Wal Mart and picked up some Magnum bars, chips and hummus. I was explaining that I need to start eating better after the surgery and told the boys how one book recommended a wheat grass chaser after meals. Rob said, "Wheatgrass? Oh yeah, I've had that. It tastes like someone put fresh lawn clippings in my mouth." On the way back in, there was an awkward slug mating incident and then we chatted for so long that we didn't start the movie for another couple of hours. We ended up watching the Green Hornet. It was so terrible. I'm thankful that we didn't watch it at the theatre. It would have been a total waste. It suddenly occurred to me in the middle of the movie that I wasn't thinking about everything that has been going on. For 5 whole minutes I was just a normal girl, sitting with her normal boyfriend, watching a terrible movie on a Saturday night. It was perfect. It actually made me kind of emotional.
We headed out when the movie was over, since Jeremy still had to take me back to my car. We sat and talked for a little bit. I was having feelings of guilt over the fact that it bothers me that I'm going to have scarring all over my abdomen. I shouldn't be thinking about that. I should just be thankful that I won't have to have my entire colon removed. I should be thankful that I may not have to have chemo. For some reason, I keep thinking about all the scars I'm going to have and how it makes me feel like less of a woman. Isn't that stupid? I'm fighting a terrible, life-threatening disease and I'm concerned about 7 or 8 scars on my body. Thankfully, Jeremy came to my rescue again. He reminded me that it's not STUPID to have these feelings and that no matter what the outcome, he's always going to think I'm beautiful. Now, that may not have exactly made me feel better, but it certainly was nice to hear. He's going to help me to stay strong. As we headed back to my car, we saw a sign that said "Hot Abes in Bikinis". I couldn't help but laugh. All I could think of was a 6'2" man with a beard and a stovepipe hat in a bikini...fighting vampires. Yes, I just read Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Don't judge. It was a really good book. Anyway...it made me giggle. If that imagery doesn't make you giggle, you have a serious problem. I started falling asleep on the last 20 minutes of the drive home, but somehow I was able to make it. The Lord obviously wants me here for some reason!
Day Twelve: What cancer?
Song of the Day: Yet I Will Praise
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vEjt280PDo
Verse of the Day: John 9:3
"It was not because of his sins or his parents' sins," Jesus answered. "This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.
Day Eleven with Cancer
Oh how I hate working with toddlers! The first five to ten minutes isn't a big deal, but after the blood curdling screaming starts, I just can't handle it. I had two kids throwing themselves on the floor, slamming the backs of their heads into the hard parts of their cots, hitting themselves in the face and screaming so loudly that people down the hallway could hear them with all the doors closed. I ended up having to hold one in my arms while I kept the other on the cot. One child was flailing so badly and hitting the other child who was awake that I had to keep him in my lap. He began hitting me and finally head butted me in the nose. I was ready to lose it. Thankfully, Connie was able to switch out with me for a little while until I was able to calm down. The rest of the afternoon was a little less rough. Shortly after we got back from snack a couple of the kids went home.
After the kids were gone, we had to clean everything and get everything we could up off of the floor. Not everyone was entirely willing to do this, so a few of us ended up there later than the rest...as usual. My mother and sister ended up finding me in a classroom about a quarter after 6. I went ahead and finished what I was doing and then clocked out so that I could work on trying to get the mass quantities of scrapbooking materials from my car into the stock room where we were going to scrap. I have to say, I didn't get much done. I worked on the awareness jewelry that I've been trying to get done. I also did a scrapbook page of last Tuesday when I had my CTs done. Sarah took some lovely pictures of me drinking my nasty prep. It'll be fun to have it documented though. I don't know if it was awesome or unfortunate that it really was only the three of us at the event. It was kind of nice not having to deal with other people. I was able to scrap AND spend time with my mom and my sister. That's a pretty good night in my book. We got home about 10:30 and I crashed as soon as my head hit the pillow. What am I turning into?
Day Eleven: Living for the weekend
Song of the Day: Praise You In This Storm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ
Verse of the Day: Psalm 121:1-2
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
After the kids were gone, we had to clean everything and get everything we could up off of the floor. Not everyone was entirely willing to do this, so a few of us ended up there later than the rest...as usual. My mother and sister ended up finding me in a classroom about a quarter after 6. I went ahead and finished what I was doing and then clocked out so that I could work on trying to get the mass quantities of scrapbooking materials from my car into the stock room where we were going to scrap. I have to say, I didn't get much done. I worked on the awareness jewelry that I've been trying to get done. I also did a scrapbook page of last Tuesday when I had my CTs done. Sarah took some lovely pictures of me drinking my nasty prep. It'll be fun to have it documented though. I don't know if it was awesome or unfortunate that it really was only the three of us at the event. It was kind of nice not having to deal with other people. I was able to scrap AND spend time with my mom and my sister. That's a pretty good night in my book. We got home about 10:30 and I crashed as soon as my head hit the pillow. What am I turning into?
Day Eleven: Living for the weekend
Song of the Day: Praise You In This Storm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ
Verse of the Day: Psalm 121:1-2
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Day Ten with Cancer
This morning was our consult with the surgeon. Dad, Mom, Jay and I drove out to the Clinic. Dad is a terrifying driver. I honestly thought we were going to get into an accident on the way to the hospital. Jason and I kept each other laughing in the back seat. Between talking about bananas, characters from In Living Color, crazy people on YouTube and cancer/colon jokes, we had a very pleasant drive.
It wasn't until we were almost there that we began discussing the severity of it. Jason started telling me about various procedures, tubes, the amount of pain, bloodwork, etc. At that point, I'll admit, I started freaking a bit. I didn't...I DON'T want to have this done. I don't want more pain. I don't want scars. I don't want BIG scars. I don't want radiation or chemo. I don't want any of those things, but for once, I want to live. I believe that once this is all over, I'll finally be able to do just that. I think my quality of life will be better. I think I'll be able to get rid of what doesn't matter in my life. I think God will finally give me the job I've been waiting for. I certainly hope that this is what post surgery means for me.
At the hospital I had to meet with the financial coordinator, sign in and do a questionnaire on the computer before I could even go into the waiting area. When we were calling in I had to warn the nurse that I had my entourage with me. I was weighed (it was almost 8 lbs more than on the Wii Fit) and then we were shown into the exam room. The nurse was taking down all of our family's medical history and we kept joking about it. She didn't seem to have much of a sense of humor. MaryAnne, Dr. Vogel's head nurse, came in and took my vitals. Now THERE'S a woman who can take a joke. She was sassy and sarcastic. I liked her. Dr. Vogel came in shortly after that and we spoke with him for quite a while. I remembered him from Jay's surgery after I saw him. Jason actually said to him, "You actually performed a surgery on me a couple of years ago." Dr Vogel replied, "Refresh my memory...or pull your pants down and let me have a look at your bottom." I knew at that point that I liked him as well. I figured that he should be able to keep up with my family's joking and sarcasm if he's going to be cutting me open. He went ahead and examined me and had me sign the release so that I didn't have to come back again before my surgery. He also sent a geneticist over so that we could figure out why I have cancer at such a young age.
She seems to think that I have a genetic syndrome that was inherited from a parent and leads to certain types of cancer like colon, liver, kidney, stomach, etc. If they find that gene from my biopsy they'll test Mom, Dad, Sarah and Jay. I'm praying against that. I don't want to think about this coming back and having my whole colon removed before this one has even been taken care of. The geneticist had to get the whole family history as well. She started asking about Sarah and then the boys. She said, "So, they're both relatively healthy?" Dad laughed and said, "Yeah, they're just mean." To which she laughed and replied, "Mean is not a genetic diagnosis." I have to say, she seemed pretty nice, too.
After THAT, she sent ANOTHER person in to meet us. This woman was from the colon cancer registry. There is a register for people diagnosed with this specific cancer that keeps people informed of any breaking advancements, news, fundraising, etc. The woman we met from that was VERY kind. She made sure that I knew she was on my team now and that she'd be there for my surgery. She was very encouraging and told me to keep my head up. She was very maternal, giving lots of shoulder pats and hugs. I think it'll be good having a mix of humor and understanding. I'm going to need people I'm really comfortable with, especially if I'm going to end up having to work with them for a while.
I had to go downstairs and get some pre-surgery blood work done. On the way down I was telling Jason how I was going to ask Dr. Vogel if he could give me a six pack while he had me open. I figure I might as well come out of this looking awesome! :) Anyway, I had to get 5 vials drawn. One guy did 4 of them. He was very sweet and I barely felt a thing. Someone else had to come draw the last one just so they were certain it was my blood and they could verify the blood type. She wasn't nearly as good. I found this relatively humorous because I had actually just asked the gentleman, "So, someone else has to come and poke me? What if they aren't as good?" And...she wasn't even close!
We were finally done after all of that. We got back into the car and then had to make the obligatory calls. I think we all stayed on our phones until we got back to our cars in Painesville. We then had a VERY rushed lunch with Jenny at Panini's. I basically inhaled half of a sandwich since Jason and I had to go back to work. The rest of the day at work was not very different than my time spent at the hospital. The one advantage of that is that it went by very quickly.
Day Ten: Accelerated
Song of the Day: What Faith Can Do
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7elxC8LXfzE
Verse of the Day: John 11:4
When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.
It wasn't until we were almost there that we began discussing the severity of it. Jason started telling me about various procedures, tubes, the amount of pain, bloodwork, etc. At that point, I'll admit, I started freaking a bit. I didn't...I DON'T want to have this done. I don't want more pain. I don't want scars. I don't want BIG scars. I don't want radiation or chemo. I don't want any of those things, but for once, I want to live. I believe that once this is all over, I'll finally be able to do just that. I think my quality of life will be better. I think I'll be able to get rid of what doesn't matter in my life. I think God will finally give me the job I've been waiting for. I certainly hope that this is what post surgery means for me.
At the hospital I had to meet with the financial coordinator, sign in and do a questionnaire on the computer before I could even go into the waiting area. When we were calling in I had to warn the nurse that I had my entourage with me. I was weighed (it was almost 8 lbs more than on the Wii Fit) and then we were shown into the exam room. The nurse was taking down all of our family's medical history and we kept joking about it. She didn't seem to have much of a sense of humor. MaryAnne, Dr. Vogel's head nurse, came in and took my vitals. Now THERE'S a woman who can take a joke. She was sassy and sarcastic. I liked her. Dr. Vogel came in shortly after that and we spoke with him for quite a while. I remembered him from Jay's surgery after I saw him. Jason actually said to him, "You actually performed a surgery on me a couple of years ago." Dr Vogel replied, "Refresh my memory...or pull your pants down and let me have a look at your bottom." I knew at that point that I liked him as well. I figured that he should be able to keep up with my family's joking and sarcasm if he's going to be cutting me open. He went ahead and examined me and had me sign the release so that I didn't have to come back again before my surgery. He also sent a geneticist over so that we could figure out why I have cancer at such a young age.
She seems to think that I have a genetic syndrome that was inherited from a parent and leads to certain types of cancer like colon, liver, kidney, stomach, etc. If they find that gene from my biopsy they'll test Mom, Dad, Sarah and Jay. I'm praying against that. I don't want to think about this coming back and having my whole colon removed before this one has even been taken care of. The geneticist had to get the whole family history as well. She started asking about Sarah and then the boys. She said, "So, they're both relatively healthy?" Dad laughed and said, "Yeah, they're just mean." To which she laughed and replied, "Mean is not a genetic diagnosis." I have to say, she seemed pretty nice, too.
After THAT, she sent ANOTHER person in to meet us. This woman was from the colon cancer registry. There is a register for people diagnosed with this specific cancer that keeps people informed of any breaking advancements, news, fundraising, etc. The woman we met from that was VERY kind. She made sure that I knew she was on my team now and that she'd be there for my surgery. She was very encouraging and told me to keep my head up. She was very maternal, giving lots of shoulder pats and hugs. I think it'll be good having a mix of humor and understanding. I'm going to need people I'm really comfortable with, especially if I'm going to end up having to work with them for a while.
I had to go downstairs and get some pre-surgery blood work done. On the way down I was telling Jason how I was going to ask Dr. Vogel if he could give me a six pack while he had me open. I figure I might as well come out of this looking awesome! :) Anyway, I had to get 5 vials drawn. One guy did 4 of them. He was very sweet and I barely felt a thing. Someone else had to come draw the last one just so they were certain it was my blood and they could verify the blood type. She wasn't nearly as good. I found this relatively humorous because I had actually just asked the gentleman, "So, someone else has to come and poke me? What if they aren't as good?" And...she wasn't even close!
We were finally done after all of that. We got back into the car and then had to make the obligatory calls. I think we all stayed on our phones until we got back to our cars in Painesville. We then had a VERY rushed lunch with Jenny at Panini's. I basically inhaled half of a sandwich since Jason and I had to go back to work. The rest of the day at work was not very different than my time spent at the hospital. The one advantage of that is that it went by very quickly.
Day Ten: Accelerated
Song of the Day: What Faith Can Do
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7elxC8LXfzE
Verse of the Day: John 11:4
When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.
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