Feels Like I've Been Losin'

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them, cause it feels like I've been losin',

Things have been exceedingly difficult as of late.  My Aunt Emmie passed away a couple of weeks ago.  Things have been insane since then.  I came home that Friday night to help mom clean up the house, but we ended up with grandma all evening, so nothing was accomplished.  We had the funeral the following morning and to say it was a struggle would be an understatement.  I was ok for most of the calling hours portion of it, but the funeral service was a huge bawl fest.  I was asked to sing and I absolutely lost it.  I felt like it was hard enough to deal with losing her, but then being put on the spot to sing was just making it harder.  I finally went ahead and sang, not because of anyone pressuring me into it, but the fact that I knew if she had been there to talk to me, she would have wanted me to sing for her.  My father tried to tell the hilarious story of the year that someone bought her these GIANT underwear as a gag gift for Christmas one year.  For all of us, there was an odd combination of laughter and sobs.  Afterward, the entire extended family went out to eat.  It was nice having everyone together.  Of course, it was outside and BLAZING hot.  I got a migraine that I was unable to shake for the rest of the day and night.

I had to leave earlier than I would have liked, but since we had been with grandma the night before, the house STILL wasn't clean and my cousin and his wife were going to be arriving at our place a few hours later.  Just a side-note: Cleaning with a migraine is never fun.  Mom, Sarah and I spent the next three hours cleaning and Drew and Caity arrived around six that evening.  We socialized at the house for a while and then went to Eddie's to have some dinner.  After the emotionally draining morning that we all had, it was nice to have two young people who's life together is really just beginning.  I admit though, it's difficult for me not to be jealous of the life they've been blessed with.  It seems like some people are just blessed with a great life and can do no wrong.  That's not to say that Drew hasn't worked his butt off for the things he's gotten...he's a VERY hard worker and I'm incredibly proud of him.  I just think it's odd that in life there are people who seem to succeed at everything they put their hand to and some people who fail every time they make an attempt at anything.  It's a curious thing.  I wonder why it works out that way.  It was nice to have them at the house for a bit though, even though it was only over night.

After that, I had to focus most of my energy on the princess visit to the Cleveland Clinic Children's Hospital.  I tried so hard to make sure I had my songs prepared and all of the toys purchased and put together.  I was so concerned about having enough toys for all of the kids.  Then I started getting this gut feeling that the wing was going to be full of teenage boys.  Wouldn't you know, that's what happened?  They said the day before, they had all kinds of girls, but things change so much day to day.  We started with a hand full of kids in the activities room.  I read a couple of stories and sang just one song.  I let everyone pick out a toy and then we ended up going from room to room.  It was touching and heartbreaking all at the same time.  I went to the epilepsy ward and the hematology/oncology ward.  I had a rough time seeing the kids in oncology.  There was one little girl who was 11 and just so sweet.  I'd like to go back and speak with her again.  She loves music and we talked about Selena Gomez.  I think she probably felt a bit old to have a princess visit her, but I think she might like to know that there is an older but real girl out there who can somewhat relate to her journey.  What a joy to be able to share that with them.  It was incredibly moving and such a privilege.  I hope  I can do it again soon.  We still have several toys left over and I'd love to continue the visits.

Until next time...